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Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You Know" Slut-Shamers Of Tumblr

Teenage girls find a great many things to do on Tumblr, but one of the more prominent, and more damaging, uses is slut-shaming each other. How a few little pictures started (and continue) a meme-based tirade against women and girls.

I know, right? Now tell your friends!
Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You Know...
Katie Heaney

Last summer was big for slut-shaming on Tumblr. (That is, if there can be a time that’s especially “big” for something as persistent and widespread as slut-shaming.) The above image, first uploaded to Instagram by the picture’s subject — a girl named Sabrina, who otherwise posts largely inoffensive selfies and, occasionally, GIFs of her kissing her boyfriend — was posted to the site on June 18, and though it was quickly deleted by its owner, the image had already started to spread.

A year earlier, in the summer of 2011, an image of model Cole Mohr holding a sign reading “Dear Girls: DON’T BE INSECURE/You don’t need make-up & nice clothes/ you’re all fucking beautiful.” The post attracted attention, but it was only after a parody photo set by Tumblr user “einsteinonacid” was posted that “Dear Girls” became a meme. Einsteinonacid’s post had over 150,000 notes in the span of two months. By summer 2012, “Dear Girls” was a thing, roundly criticized by bloggers and fellow Tumblr users alike. But since then, the meme’s Tumblr tag has gone relatively quiet. (Though, as Amanda Marcotte noted on Wednesday, where Tumblr users’ natural-beauty-concern-trollers might have faltered, The New York Times recently picked up the torch.)

A sexist meme is a sexist meme, but is one that is introduced by a guy somehow easier to quash?

Cole Mohr’s original image, set above the meme-ified parody response of Tumblr user “einsteinonacid.” Source: knowyourmeme.com

“Hey Girls, Did You Know” is a sexist meme — another image-regulating, slut-shaming meme — that persists. But it’s one started and largely perpetrated by girls themselves.

Not unlike “Dear Girls,” the original photo set has been widely mocked among Tumblr users both male and female — again, many of whom responded both intelligently and hilariously, and some of whom responded in a way that created entirely new issues of their own.

But not all the posts you’ll find searching the “Hey Girls, Did You Know” Tumblr tag aim to contradict the original post’s slut-shaming message. Many of them support it — some mimic the original text almost exactly, while others object to obvious makeup use. (And in doing so, circling us back to “Dear Girls,” formerly an entirely separate meme. It’s the way these things tend to grow, building on each other and metastasizing and getting progressively worse and worse.)

The funniest retorts are from girls. But so are the meanest.

A response to the “Hey Girls, Did You Know” meme. One of the great ones. Source: geeky-n-fit.tumblr.com

A Facebook page created in “honor” of the original meme, founded last June, has nearly 37,000 likes. While many of the fan-submitted posts are critical (or at least reduce the meme to silliness), the most popular ones, and the ones most frequently reposted by the page’s owner, are ones like this one — posts created by girls to shame and tear down other girls.

It seems there’s just something very likable — in the internet sense, at least — about a girl using social media to attack other girls. It may well be easier to build a coalition against an “enemy” who is different from you — as in the girls vs. boys nature of the responses to Boy In Outer Space — but it’s another when the enemy IS you. “You’re not being a girl in the right way” is still a very popular argument to make. So, too, is “I’m not like other girls.”

One of the “Hey Girls, Did You Know” page’s most-liked posts.

One of the weirdest things about the Facebook page (if you could pick just one) is the juxtaposition of hateful, misogynistic images like these with the many wholesomely simple, teenage pop-culture-y posts, like this picture of SpongeBob, or this cute cartoon about a dinosaur family.

It’s only really surprising until, I suppose, you remember your own years in middle school. It’s a strange and cruel age range, no question. You are a kid and you are not.

There are dozens of reasons why young girls (and not-young women) might feel the need to hate and publicly criticize other girls and their gendered behavior: personal insecurity, the societally-enforced perception that doing so is what gets you male approval, jealousy, internalized misogyny, etc. Tumblr notes and Facebook likes are only the newest incentives among many.

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    • TheTaoOfBadassGuide   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... and thinks it’s OMG, Win & LOL  about a week ago
    • sarahc15 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 3 months ago
    • laviolaw thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is LOL  about 3 months ago
    • Adrienne S   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You...  about 3 months ago
    • Lara Meredith thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is OMG  about 3 months ago
    • caitlink2 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 3 months ago
    • James D. 3 months ago

      I think every woman who responded to this post, either positively or negatively, is a slut. So there! Honestly, get a frigging life.

    • bluewildcat12 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Win  about 3 months ago
    • JohnMedley thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is WTF & Fail  about 4 months ago
    • andrewm57 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Win  about 4 months ago
    • kimberlye6 4 months ago

      Or, believe it or not, there’s this wild idea out there that different people have different opinions and also have the right to express them. Gasp.

    • vanessad11   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You...  about 4 months ago
    • watch me boogie 4 months ago

      Women are frequently their own worst enemies the world over. This is neither new nor surprising, but it’s never a bad thing to remind us all of it.

    • Broomhilda 4 months ago

      I honestly do not see what is so controversial about the original “Hey Girls, Did You Know?” picture.  I am a 25-year-old married woman who grew up with massive self-esteem problems *because* I was uncomfortable with the revealing clothing that was EVERYWHERE and the immense pressure to wear it. I was surrounded by people wearing A&F shirts with coquettish sexy slogans or cleavage-bearing shirts at school, and it was frustrating to see them get attention based off it. I was not stylish by any means nor had I the desire to be stylish if it meant feeling uncomfortable about myself. I was a tomboy who hated not being able to find decent clothes and hated the pressure to show off my body to anyone and everyone.
      I feel much better about myself now but still dress modestly. I save my boobs for my husband because he’s the person I love. I can feel sexy without having to prove it to the world. But I’m not saying that those who DO show off are doing so because they’re insecure. I think some of them do it because it’s expected.
      I fault the companies that make revealing clothing for too-young girls much more than I fault the girls who wear it. They create the demand, the girls follow.
      There is nothing wrong with healthy sexuality. There IS something wrong with expressing sexuality at an improper age in an improper place, and that can be very damaging. We no longer marry girls off at 16, so they don’t need to prove their fertility and baby-makin’ ability. A healthy sense of sexuality comes with verbal openness and the ability to ask questions from trusted authority figures, as well as healthy role models.  I would also like to add, finally, that my view is entirely void of any religious connections. My parents raised me to value modesty but the decision to continue that is entirely my own. And as I’m writing this KATY PERRY’S GRAMMY SIDEBOOB IS ON THE BUZZFEED SIDEBAR. SIDEBARBOOB.

      • annar10 4 months ago

        I can see your point, because I grew up in a culture that placed value on modesty. However, just as you feel better about yourself when you dress modestly, I feel better about myself when I feel attractive. I’ve always been busty, and wearing a low-cut shirt just flat out looks better to me. Beside that, you have to realize that clothing that is made for smaller sizes and upsized may look much more “immodest” on a girl like me, because I have the same amount of fabric to cover twice the boobage. I’ve had my mom tugging at my tops for years; I had a boyfriend whose stepmom tearily told him that my shirts were too low, and she told another person that once she had to *physically* put me back in my shirt once (which is complete and utter bullshit). I prefer to be a part of the culture that embraces my bustiness for what it is rather than telling me that my boobs are just another disgusting roll of fat to be hidden under a shapeless top. I am proud of my curves now. I wish that I could have been allowed to be proud of them when I was a teen instead of being shamed for them.  It wasn’t about sexuality. It might be now (just a little) but then it was about the struggle to be accepted as more than the short fat girl with boobs. Anyway, I find it cute to see a girl with tiny boobs telling me to put a lid on mine.

    • xrocketst thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 4 months ago
    • DramaticallyGiles thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Smiley - TNT  about 4 months ago
    • amoled 4 months ago

      I don’t see how this is any different from guys telling each other to quit being meatheads with tribal armband tattoos, or to not take douchebag mirror selfies with their shirts off, or to stop playing video games all day, or whatever else boys do.

    • kikilove 4 months ago

      this feels sexist in and of itself. a girl can disagree with the choices another girl makes and can voice those opinions without being anti women or doing a disservice to women in any way. you know why? because women are INDIVIDUALS! we are not bound to hold our tongues for other women who do not share our values simply because we are all women. do men say “dont criticize a behavior of a man that you disagree with because we are all men”? no. thats because its ridiculous to say such a thing. let women be individuals FOR ONCE! dont tell us what to think, dont tell us what to do, dont tell us how to behave.

    • whitneys6   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You...  about 4 months ago
    • sarahm40 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is WTF  about 4 months ago
    • EllysaE thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is WTF  about 4 months ago
    • LizReszke   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... and thinks it’s Trashy & Fail  about 4 months ago
    • Heather Denise thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Ew, Trashy & Fail  about 4 months ago
    • tawnybabe   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You...  about 4 months ago
    • untitled80 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is LOL  about 4 months ago
    • fossilgoth thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Trashy  about 4 months ago
    • JustRandomAwes thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 4 months ago
    • avam2 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is LOL  about 4 months ago
    • horniman20 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Win  about 4 months ago
    • J Pack thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is LOL & FTW  about 5 months ago
    • elliem4 5 months ago

      Tearing apart what others intend as a compliment is just as bad as slut-shaming. When it gets to the point that a man can’t open his mouth in the worry that his words will be twisted and torn apart like this, it’s a sad state of affairs.

    • zappittyzop thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is LOL  about 5 months ago
    • jennyj5 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is cool story bra  about 5 months ago
    • soupisdelicious 5 months ago

      I’m not gonna comment on outer space boy since everyone else has taken care of that. haha (from both sides) I just wanted to address the “Girl-on-Girl crime” issue. One could argue that negative behavior women exhibit towards each other is because of the patriarchy we live in or whatever, or as the article also mentions, insecurities, jealousy, etc.—I don’t 100% agree with that, but I’m willing to be open to other opinions; regardless, the point is that I think the REAL problem is that human beings in general fucking suck, and regardless of the groups we segregate ourselves into, race, gender, sexuality, there is ALWAYS infighting. I know it’s “human nature” because we are animals, but it’s just sad that we can never get along. My hippie ideals believe that everyone should be capable of being nice to each other, so the fact that folks still make the CHOICE to be assholes makes me hate this species. So I mean, while I DO understand those who are mad at guys like outer space boy for his misguided comments, I think that girls putting down/slut shaming other girls is WAY more disgraceful and damaging to feminism. Perhaps this is a “duh”, but with the way everyone is arguing over/discussing outer space boy instead of the girls being catty to each other and just chalking it up to “teen girls are mean” is exactly like saying “boys will be boys”. ANYONE being mean at ANY age to someone else is fucking unacceptable, regardless of gender/race/age/whatever.

    • johnm116 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Ew & Fail  about 5 months ago
    • patricka4 5 months ago

      First, this is one of the most poorly written articles I have ever read. Neither the structure nor the prose is any good. After a first read, I did not know which figures in this story were on which side of the debate, I did not understand the history of this meme, nor did I get a sense of what the author was trying to say about it. Also, I am not sure to what the term “natural-beauty-concern-trollers” is referring. After looking up the information necessary for understanding this topic and then giving this article a (very slow) second reading, I was able to understand the history and which side of the debate (the “shammers” or those who are against them) each posting was supposed to be on. If I were to guess at the author’s intended purpose, I would say that she is saying that girls and women are slower to recognize anti-female sexism coming from men than coming from women.  It seems like Cole Mohr’s original post was meant in good faith, but the responses by einsteinonacid and others are both hilarious and point out his perhaps unintended paternalism. (To be clear, this is no defense of Mohr; I just want to give him the benefit of the doubt). If the real issue at stake here is that some girls and women verbally abuse other girls and women based on a self-important, self-righteous idea that they know how to be properly feminine, the article should be explicit about that.  The thing is, it is an evolutionary mating strategy to publicly criticize and demean competition; “slut-shaming” is just one strategy female can use to gain status and marginalize competition (males do a similar thing, i.e. the “bro” culture). This is not to say that the abuse is acceptable because it can really hurt the targets emotionally, psychologically, and possible physically. Ultimately, this debate over what is properly feminine - or more accurately, acceptably feminine - is a sub-debate within feminist movements. It is difficult for one self-identifying feminist to say to another self-identifying feminist with different views about what is properly/acceptably feminine that they are not a feminist because they do not have the “correct” values.  While it seems like “slutty-ness” plays into a sexist patriarchal system that reduces women to objects, it also seems like there are more constructive ways for the women and girls who feel this way to express their concerns to others of the same gender/sex.

    • marinark   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... and thinks it’s Fail  about 5 months ago
    • stephaniep27 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is cool story bra  about 5 months ago
    • samantha guerin thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Cute  about 5 months ago
    • samirpx thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • amyc32 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is OMG  about 5 months ago
    • watch me boogie 5 months ago

      Something so many men just don’t understand is that just because a woman wants to feel sexy, does NOT mean she wants male attention. I know, right??? Mind-blowing. But that’s how it is. You have to remember that our boobs are on our chests our whole lives, we don’t think about them the same way men do. They’re like having elbows. Soft, luscious, curvaceous elbows that sometimes you like to show off because it makes you feel good, not because you want Lechy Larry salivating all over you.

    • lindseyveronicap thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • Cindy Sloan thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Win  about 5 months ago
    • jesspixieb thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • huntersampler   +  Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... and thinks it’s Fail  about 5 months ago
    • caitlinr2 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Win  about 5 months ago
    • TheSquishy thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is cool story bra  about 5 months ago
    • tarvitsenapua   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... and thinks it’s Ew, Fail & Trashy  about 5 months ago
    • Kyna Fairge thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • rbpete828   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You...  about 5 months ago
    • alexl30 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is WTF & Fail  about 5 months ago
    • Wanda Arroyo thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Trashy  about 5 months ago
    • jairoj 5 months ago

      Hate that first meme..soo self righteous bs.

    • Corey B. thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • kelseym8 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • BlackStaRr thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is cool story bra  about 5 months ago
    • lollexlol thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is cool story bra  about 5 months ago
    • elizabethm39   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You...  about 5 months ago
    • Ricky T thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is cool story bra  about 5 months ago
    • matt 5 months ago

      While I’m against slut-shaming (seriously, I am), this article casts it in a light that I find slightly off. I’m against it because of the way it’s executed: mean, petty, and hurtful - essentially another form of bullying. Not because of the point of view it embodies. While I could care less how a girl wants to dress, if others (girls or guys) think it breaks a social norm, I welcome that opinion (if voiced tastefully). Social norms are constantly evolving, ebbing and flowing, twisting and turning. Opinions need to be voiced for this to continue. “Image regulation” is not always a bad thing… we as a society have engaged in it for millenia, with both good and tragic results. Maybe slut shaming is a tragic example, but calling all “image regulation” sexist and wrong ignores just how important it is to society’s functioning. Also, I might add, that this article is kind of ironic. You are regulating the image of the slut-shamers. Basically, this is slut-shamer-shaming.

    • janice!   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... and thinks it’s Ew, WTF &  about 5 months ago
    • Kyle Hayward 5 months ago

      And didn’t Trang Pak make out with Coach Carr?

    • ZarMaz thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Trashy, OMG & WTF  about 5 months ago
    • kerry reyes thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • andi   Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You...  about 5 months ago
    • andream7 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is cool story bra  about 5 months ago
    • Lolhelper 5 months ago
       

      Meh, it’s just the internet. A meme or some silly pics can’t really change you, control you, dominate you, make you feel inferior to others, etc. You laugh with it or you just close your darn computer. Fight for your rights when it’s really necessary, like, in real life, not on the internet. Duh.

      meh
    • Jack Nathanson 5 months ago

      I heard Amber Delacio made out with a hot dog

    • bashh thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • Arielle Calderon thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is Fail  about 5 months ago
    • laurenb41 thinks Girl-On-Girl Crime: The "Did You... is WTF  about 5 months ago
    • RandomPanda 5 months ago

      My boobs go wherever they want!

    • jumjimbo 5 months ago

      Who cares? Everything on the internet is like an advertisement: if you ignore it, it’ll go away.

    • soap 5 months ago

      The original intent of of the “Dear Girls” poster seems nice, so why be so angry. It is like no mater what anyone ever says it is wrong. This article is a bunch of stupid hypocrisy.

      • greenribbon 5 months ago

        The original intent is nice. The way it was done was not. He utilized controlling and commanding language (saying, Don’t be or You don’t need) while addressing women which has been a problem for a long time now and is one thing feminists are fighting against (can’t treat someone equally if you are commanding or controlling them).
        Had he just said something like, I think you look beautiful with and without make-up that would have been much more effective. It is respectful and sweet, and I’m sure what the poster was trying to convey in the first place.
        This article is not a bunch of hypocrisy, though, I understand that parts might need to be expanded on more in greater depth.
        I hope this provides more insight.

      • soap 5 months ago

        Honestly everyone is reading way to much into this. I am sorry you think I don’t have “insight.” I just think it is absurd how much things get twisted, if declarative sentences are now politicly incorrect I just don’t know what to say.

      • oOo 5 months ago

        I’m with you, soap, in the sense that what is being labeled as command language here is in other situations not called out. Don’t be mad, don’t be upset, don’t have a cow, don’t freak out, don’t be so down on yourself, don’t worry, don’t sell yourself short, don’t let them get to you - these all qualify as command language but everybody uses them all the time very casually, very generically, and very easily and nobody is starting an advocacy group over it.  I’m all for reconsidering reality and changing and improving entrenched culture and mindsets with constructive input and arguments, but sometimes it feels like things like this go too far and become a response in search of a stimulus, a hypersensitive recasting of everything through a manufactured lens that only focuses on one area on the basis of an assumed agenda against that area, decrying things as injustices that happen elsewhere without any kind of protest from the same crusaders. It seems like people who are going out with good intentions to shine light on distorted thinking wind up with distortions of their own. Rather than drawing people in to listen and learn, it just tarnishes other parts of the larger agenda and creates more deaf ears, causes more babies to be thrown out with the bathwater.

      • greenribbon 5 months ago

        You know I wasn’t trying to be snarky or mean. I’m just giving you my view of things. Shouldn’t we as a society try to learn more about the different sides to arguments, ideas, and stories. Wouldn’t that help to understand each other and to better get along? I’m sorry if I offended you I was just trying to explain how others might view the guy’s message.

      • Otto 5 months ago

        1. If you (in the general sense) were suffering through something difficult, and someone offered their emotional support by saying “don’t worry, I’m sure everything will turn out okay,” would your response be “what the hell do you mean ‘don’t worry,’ who the hell are you to tell me what to do?” I’m guessing the answer’s no. And if the answer’s yes, then the problem lies with you.
        2. Anyone who isn’t actively seeking to feel offense can clearly see that the guy’s message is, basically, “if you’re a woman who feels pressured by society to look a certain way, and you don’t like that, please know that I support you, I think it’s bullsh*t too.” To take that message and turn it into something misogynistic reveals a hell of a lot more about you than it does about the guy in the picture.
        3. A guy offers a message of support to women who are pressured by society to look a certain way. In turn, he is called a misogynist. He, and many others like him, will (understandably) withdraw their support in the future. Why? In case it isn’t obvious, it’s because if you offer someone your support and they hurl baseless accusations of sexism at you, you’re going to protect yourself in the future by not offering that support. So the outcome of these ridiculous attacks is that fewer people will support feminism’s stated goals — much like fewer people would offer support to the person in bullet point 1, who responded to a message of support by attacking their would-be supporter.

        To me, this is a sort of jump-the-shark moment. It’s one thing to be overly fast and loose with accusations of sexism in response to actual criticisms of women (i.e., any criticism of a woman is inherently sexist, even if she’s done something that deserves to be criticized, the criticism itself has nothing to do with gender, and would be leveled against a man who did the same thing), but it’s another thing entirely to cry sexism at someone who is offering support in your battle against society’s expectations of your physical appearance. We’re close up against the point where men can’t speak to women at all without being accused, somehow, of sexism.

      • Show 1 More Contributions ...
    • elektraj 5 months ago

      i very much appreciate this post.

    • sylph 5 months ago

      I don’t feel though that Space-Boy was being offensive- girls say a lot how much they detest social standards of beauty, so what harm is there in saying they’re beautiful anyway? Slut-shaming is a problem, but I feel there’s a difference between that and you’re-gorgeous messages. :)

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