1. Let’s face it: He could use some time in the sun, and maybe a vitamin or something.
2. But he can’t even GO in the sun because of his unnatural sparkly exterior, which means you can’t hang out in public on sunny days.
3. He has basically no hobbies or interests.
4. “Love is forever” has a VERY DIFFERENT MEANING with him.
5. He kisses like someone who feels bad (but not too bad!) about being, like, a hundred years older than you.
6. Obviously he has some anger issues.
7. He literally cannot stop getting into fights.
8. And you basically risk your life any time you chill with him or his family.
9. You KNOW if you bring him home to meet your parents they’ll just think he’s always high.
10. He occupies all your time and you wouldn’t have any friends left if you ever broke up.
11. He’s not super creative with a compliment.
OMG I GET IT, I AM FLAWLESS AND YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOREVER.
12. Sometimes it’s like he’s almost TOO transparent.
13. He’s soooooo dramatic every time you just want to leave the house.
14. He’s bound to impregnate you with demon spawn.
15. Even though he never has an erection because he has no blood…
16. He would always know when it’s your “time of the month.”
Ugh bye I’ll be eating chocolate alone in my room.
17. His extreme need to be overprotective is not cute, it’s psychotic.
18. He also watches you when you’re sleeping which is SUPER CREEPY.
Boundaries, have you heard of it?
19. Edward Cullen is basically the definition of “stage-five clinger.”
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