A How-To Guide To The Ultimate Guy’s Profile Pic

Just gather up some cute animals, a red shirt, and the Eiffel Tower. posted on

A year ago, Yahoo Canada user “Sharksharksahrk” presented the above inquiry. As you can see, the question goes chillingly unresolved. What DO girls want out of a guy’s Facebook profile picture? I took to the Internet to find out.

1. Contrast Your Shirt With Your Skin

If you don’t contrast your shirt with your skin color, girls might not even be able to SEE you in your profile picture. You don’t want the only comments from girls on your profile picture to be ones like this: “Are you even in this pic, lol.”

2. Wear Red Or Be Near Red

OK, we’ve established that you’re wearing a contrasting color to your skin, so unless your skin is green, you maybe shouldn’t actually WEAR red. (Unless you have red pants?!!!) Maybe just be NEAR something red.

3. Pose With Animals

So it’s really about just being in pictures with things that people like, isn’t it? Food, sunshine, water, pillows. Animals are probably best, but these could work too maybe.

4. Don’t Pose With Animals TOO Much, Though

Wait, what?? What does it mean if Fido’s in every photo??

5. Surround Yourself With As Many People As Possible

A picture of you with 10 or 20 friends is good, but a picture of you crouching behind, say, a college graduation class photo is even better. It doesn’t have to be yours. Wow, everyone here looks really good. So many people.

6. Stand By A Cool Natural Wonder

I think you think we’re extrapolating a lot more than we’re really extrapolating.

7. Stand By The Eiffel Tower

What about just standing next to a very large stack of money, holding a globe?

8. Show Leadership

Richard at LuvBlogger sums it up nicely and adds something new to consider: is your picture bossy enough? Could you shake your fist sternly at something and take a picture of that?

9. And Finally, Look Away From The Camera

Oooohhh, what are you looking at?? Oooh, so mysterious. Oh word, it’s just the dog again?

Behold: The Perfect Profile Picture For Guys

Graphic by Chris Ritter

Putting alllll of that advice to use, we’ve created the perfect profile picture. Maybe you can just Photoshop your head in, or something. I’m sure it will work! As well as any of the rest of this advice, anyway.

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