1. For the main thing, it sucks to be totally helpless without a piece of hardware you keep on your face.
What if there were an apocalypse and you lost your glasses and your contacts dried up? You’d just…die.
2. You’ve seen this so many times you’ve just memorized it, rendering it unusable.
4. People who don’t even NEED glasses are wearing them to look “cool.”
This isn’t fair, because they didn’t go through the four to eight years of childhood in which, no, glasses are NOT COOL.
5. You’ve known the terror of forgetting your contacts case and needing to use someone’s cups.
DON’T DRINK THAT
6. It’s impossible to keep up on cool glasses trends. What was once nerdy…
7. …is now the cool thing worn by pop stars.
But by the time YOU get them, people will be wearing little rectangle ones again.
8. Getting something in your eye with your contacts in, and not being able to fix it ALL DAY.
10. You laugh in the face of those with a correction lower than -3.00.
Have you ever switched glasses with someone for “fun” and you put theirs on and it’s like a -0.00002 correction? And they put yours on and scream? That is a good, victorious feeling.
11. Having to touch your eyeballs every day is a small horror you’ve come to just accept.
12. Any TV show or movie in which a character takes off his or her glasses mid-scene is instantly ruined.
Oh, so, you just don’t need to see for the rest of this conversation? OK.
13. “How do I find my glasses without my glasses on?” = the inception of those with bad vision.
14. Before you got glasses for the first time, you didn’t know you could see individual blades of grass, or leaves.
You mean it’s not just all green blurs?
15. If you didn’t wear your contacts today, 3D movies are not happening.
16. DMV eyesight tests give you heart palpitations and sweaty palms.
One of these times they’re going to tell you you can’t drive. You’re sure of it.
17. Like you needed THIS set of nightmares to deal with as a child.
18. You’ve got a drawer full of your middle school frames “in case you ever need them.”
But wouldn’t you sooner let yourself run into EVERYTHING?
19. You, as a True Glasses Wearer, know that the idea that glasses bestow sensitivity and superhuman intelligence upon the wearer are, sadly, false.
20. The decision to swim (or not to swim) is fraught with danger.
If you’re in glasses, do you wear them underwater? What if they fall to the bottom of the pool and you drown? If you’re in contacts, OWWWW.
21. You know it’s only going to keep getting worse and worse.
shakes fists MORTALITY!!