1. Here is the Loch Ness Monster, RIGHT THERE in the red circle. WHY DIDN’T WE CHECK APPLE MAPS SOONER?
(“Some” “people” say this latest Nessie sighting—by the Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club—looks pretty much exactly like this boat and its wake, but DO NOT be lulled into a false sense of sea monster-less security.)
2. Sea monsters are out there SWIMMING IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. TAUNTING US.
4. DO YOU SEE IT. IT’S RIGHT THERE.
5. This one is VISIBLE FROM OUTER SPACE!!!!
It’s one of those white thingies!!!!