1. Your intensely expressed fondness for dessert makes other people uncomfortable.
2. You consider most other foods as necessary obstacles between you and what you really want: dessert.
3. When someone tells you, “I’m just not really a sweets person,” you become legitimately angry and upset.
It’s … sugar, though.
4. There have been times your sweet tooth scared you, and you tried to back off.
5. These attempts did not go well for you.
I made it 4 hours! New personal best!!!
6. Trying not to eat a dessert that’s right in front of you requires a Herculean effort that you just DO NOT have.
What am I, MADE OF STEEL?
7. You become mildly panicky when you get a craving for something sweet and realize there’s nothing in the house.
8. Nothing is as exciting to you as eating a first bite of ice cream, and knowing you have most of it left.
- Kelly Clarkson voice * Soooome people wait a lifetime, for a moooooment like thissss
9. You’re REALLY good at inventing rationalizations for your need for sugar.
“If I didn’t have ice cream right now, I would literally be shooting heroin instead. Is that what you think is healthier for me?????”
10. Other people might not get it, but you’re certain your genes MADE you this way.
It’s not UP to me, don’t you understand?? My body will wither away if I don’t get some f#%@ing chocolate pretty soon.
11. You DREAM of the day a friend might ask you to help “test wedding cakes.”
I’ve only been training for this ALL MY LIFE!
12. You in the holiday candy aisle at the grocery store:
Come here, candy canes. Jump into my cart, bags of fun-size candy bars.
15. When someone else is in charge of cutting and serving the cake/pie/brownies:
16. When you’re out to dinner with someone and the server asks if you two want to see the dessert menu, and the person you’re with says no:
- Dylann Roof has been formally charged with nine counts of murder for the Charleston church shooting last month.
- Britain marks 10 years since 52 people were killed in terrorist attacks in London.
- Authorities reportedly raided the Indiana home of Jared Fogle, the face of many Subway sandwich advertisements.