What Stores Should Actually Be Named

What’s in a brand?

1. J. Crew

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J. Cruella de Vil.

2. Lush

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Are you sure that’s not a wedge of parmesan??

3. American Apparel

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Made in the USexA.

4. Bebe

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The touch, the feel of spandex and other tight synthetic fibers.

5. Lady Foot Locker

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Because ladies need a separate store for their lady sneakers!!!!!

6. The Art of Shaving

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An entire franchise devoted to overpriced hair grooming products is VERY necessary.

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Knit turtleneck: in vogue or in your dad’s closet???

8. Steve Madden

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Add $100 for every heel inch.

9. Build-A-Bear

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Now that’s the capitalistic spirit!!!

10. Swatch

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For all your neon green rubber wristwatch needs!!!

11. Urban Outfitters

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Wait, so is this where your arms go?

12. L’Occitane

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L’Occihgjkdamveiwalmcs. Oui, Oui.

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