1. There’s the feeling you feel the week before you leave:
I need to GTFO of this place.
3. AND HOW YOU FEEL THE NIGHT BEFORE YOU LEAVE:
WTF IS HAPPENING TO ME.
4. And to make everything worse, the morning you leave, your parents are acting silent and weird and MELANCHOLIC.
6. But these feelings quickly evaporate when you try to finish packing.
Because everything you own DOES NOT in fact fit into that ONE box to the left.
7. Actually, you’ll find that your stuff doesn’t even fit into MULTIPLE boxes.
And these MULTIPLE boxes won’t fit into the trunk of your car!!!
8. And so you start unpacking and repacking things and bicker over trivial stuff like extension cords and all you want to do is this:
9. Finally, you get to school, where your parents think they’re WHISPERING when they’re talking about people in the near vicinity, but they’re actually speaking at an AUDIBLY DISCERNIBLE volume.
“Who’s that boy next door? Why don’t you go talk to him? He’s cute.”
*said through megaphone*
10. Introducing yourself to people on your floor is painful because it’s like who are we both kidding this is such a shtick.
11. You have stock conversations/phrases that you use on absolutely every person you meet:
“Hi I’m Katherine, what’s your name? Cool, where are you from? I’m from Long Island, home of Long Island iced teas and Billy Joel, haha!”
*recycles unfunny joke 500 times*
12. And then you walk through campus and start to recognize people who were overactive in the Class of 20XX Facebook group.
Secondhand embarrassment is REAL.
13. When it’s finally time for them to leave, your parents are not ready.
15. But you’re still feeling a whole lot of *uncertainty* and *sadness* and *insecurity* and *but-how-do-I-use-fabric-softener?*
16. And then the icebreakers with your orientation group begin.
“A fun fact about me is that I had a mole on my lower back removed last week!!”
17. The first party you go to feels like it’s probably a fire hazard.
18. And despite the fact that they haven’t been made since 2010, the originals of these show up everywhere.
19. And there are a lot of these to make very sophisticated and classy cocktails.
20. But you’re having a !!good time!! because it’s your first night of !!college!!
23. The first time you eat the dining hall food you desperately try to convince yourself that it’s good.
24. Laundry for the first time is an adventure.
But am I supposed to know what permanent press is?
25. But college is a time for experimentation, right?
You launder and you learn.
27. And the next night even more partying and partying with people you only vaguely know!!
OK this is definitely not sustainable.
28. But even though you only vaguely know these people, you have all immediately locked one another in as best friends.
30. And after this week, you will do whatever you can to avoid people from your orientation group/anyone you made painful small talk with.
31. And then that magical week that exists in a vacuum is done forever.
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- The NFL has upheld Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈