1. You have molespirations.
*m{r}ole models*
Marilyn.
Cindy Crawford.
Ms. Pacman.
Rachel McAdams.
Blake Lively.
Bobby D.
Eva Mendes.
By extension, Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling's baby.
2. You detest mole traitors.
WHY.
NO.
Where is his disembodied mole now?
3. The looming fear of shaving one off is a serious impediment to your life.
4. You have at one point in your life played connect the dots with your moles.
5. You have nightmares about water park slide friction.
6. Nightmares about necklaces.
7. You've contemplated cutting off/plucking the hair that grows out of them.
8. But then you don't follow through because you secretly think it adds character/you read somewhere one time that you're not "supposed" to cut it.
9. Or you have followed through and watched your hair grow back twice as long as before.
10. Your greatest regrets are all the times you accidentally scratched your moles.
11. Any situation with guacamole is an opportunity to draw attention to your plentiful moles.
12. You frequently think about what the shapes of your moles resemble.
And finally:
13. You think every single mole on your body is cancerous.
Definitely cancerous.
Melanoma.
No question about it.
Dermatologist: "Your moles are fine. Not cancerous."
You: "OK, so still cancerous."
