1. You have molespirations.
2. You detest mole traitors.
3. The looming fear of shaving one off is a serious impediment to your life.
4. You have at one point in your life played connect the dots with your moles.
5. You have nightmares about water park slide friction.
*My precious back moles*
6. Nightmares about necklaces.
Please don’t stab my neck moles.
7. You’ve contemplated cutting off/plucking the hair that grows out of them.
8. But then you don’t follow through because you secretly think it adds character/you read somewhere one time that you’re not “supposed” to cut it.
9. Or you have followed through and watched your hair grow back twice as long as before.
10. Your greatest regrets are all the times you accidentally scratched your moles.
OW. NO. WHAT HAVE I DONE? PLEASE STILL BE ATTACHED TO MY BODY.
11. Any situation with guacamole is an opportunity to draw attention to your plentiful moles.
Guacamoley moley—who wants to see my lower back moles!
Thanks, built-in wordplay!
12. You frequently think about what the shapes of your moles resemble.
Wow, my mole kind of looks like [insert country].
13. You think every single mole on your body is cancerous.
No question about it.
Dermatologist: “Your moles are fine. Not cancerous.”
You: “OK, so still cancerous.”
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