1. You reliably nick yourself every time your shave.
3. You do not know what to do with this:
4. Or this:
5. DEAR GOD.
6. Ninety percent of your mascara gets on your eyelashes. The other 10% gets on your upper eyelid.
7. When you’re wearing blush you feel like a CLOWN.
8. You can’t remember the last time you painted your nails.
9. But the last time you did paint them, they looked something like this:
12. Clutches will never be anything but ridiculous-looking wallets for GIANTS.
13. You never have the appropriate clothing for occasions.
You can wear jorts to a graduation, right???
21. Thong: (thông) n.: 1. A permanent wedgie; 2. Everything that is wrong with the world.
24. Attitude toward shoes: apathy.
OK right, because women gaze admiringly and literally HUG their computers when they online shop.
25. Attitude toward bags: apathy.
26. Which is why ads that depict women as clothing- and shopping-crazed INFURIATE you.
27. And ads that perpetuate the (very false) idea that women (but never men, of course) are supposed to be weight- and diet-obsessed.
HOW DID THIS COMMERCIAL EVER EVEN AIR?
28. So essentially every Yoplait, Special K, and Progresso commercial EVER MADE.
And probably all made by men.
29. And continuing along with the apathy thing, attitude toward Taylor Swift: apathy.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not feeling much of anything.
30. Bordering on mild irritation.
Omggggggg I won an award I’m so shocked omg see how down to earth I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!
31. Attitude toward Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, any breed of Kardashian reality television: apathy.
32. Bra logic.
33. You don’t keep track of your period even though you know you probably should.
35. “Girly handwriting.”
Might not be legible, but at least it DEFIES GENDER NORMS.
39. Conversations with women who are “good” at “being women.”
And probably the worst part of it all…
40. You can’t relate to this Chaka Khan song.
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