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40 Signs That You’re Not Good At This Whole “Being A Woman” Thing

All the ladies who truly can’t apply false eyelashes, throw your hands up at me.

1. You reliably nick yourself every time your shave.

2. HA HA THAT IS OF COURSE WHEN YOU DO SHAVE.

3. You do not know what to do with this:

astrall232/astrall232

4. Or this:

rgbdigital/rgbdigital

5. DEAR GOD.

KatarzynaBialasiewicz/KatarzynaBialasiewicz

6. Ninety percent of your mascara gets on your eyelashes. The other 10% gets on your upper eyelid.

Paper Boat Creative/Paper Boat Creative

7. When you’re wearing blush you feel like a CLOWN.

Minerva Studio/Minerva Studio

8. You can’t remember the last time you painted your nails.

michaklootwijk/michaklootwijk

9. But the last time you did paint them, they looked something like this:

michaklootwijk/michaklootwijk

10. Highlighter? You picture the one on the right.

WLADIMIR BULGAR/WLADIMIR BULGAR

 

11. You can tear stockings just by looking at them.

12. Clutches will never be anything but ridiculous-looking wallets for GIANTS.

DragonImages/DragonImages

13. You never have the appropriate clothing for occasions.

You can wear jorts to a graduation, right???

14. You appreciate a good lady trouser.

15. A respectable, PLEATED lady trouser.

 

16. LOL “Women are supposed to have soft shoulders.”

17. LOL “Women should emphasize the smallest part of their waists.”

19. “Washing your hair.”

 

20. The only underwear you will wear:

21. Thong: (thông) n.: 1. A permanent wedgie; 2. Everything that is wrong with the world.

22. THESE THINGS.

23. WHAT EVEN ARE THESE THINGS?

24. Attitude toward shoes: apathy.

AndreyPopov/AndreyPopov

OK right, because women gaze admiringly and literally HUG their computers when they online shop.

25. Attitude toward bags: apathy.

Jason Homa/Jason Homa

26. Which is why ads that depict women as clothing- and shopping-crazed INFURIATE you.

27. And ads that perpetuate the (very false) idea that women (but never men, of course) are supposed to be weight- and diet-obsessed.

HOW DID THIS COMMERCIAL EVER EVEN AIR?

28. So essentially every Yoplait, Special K, and Progresso commercial EVER MADE.

And probably all made by men.

29. And continuing along with the apathy thing, attitude toward Taylor Swift: apathy.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not feeling much of anything.

30. Bordering on mild irritation.

http://crawlingshadows.tumblr.com

 

Omggggggg I won an award I’m so shocked omg see how down to earth I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!

31. Attitude toward Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, any breed of Kardashian reality television: apathy.

IDK.
Who’s Serena?

32. Bra logic.

33. You don’t keep track of your period even though you know you probably should.

34. So then when you do get your period, it’s like:

http://heyiamwhatiam.tumblr.com

http://heyiamwhatiam.tumblr.com

http://heyiamwhatiam.tumblr.com

 

http://heyiamwhatiam.tumblr.com

http://heyiamwhatiam.tumblr.com

http://heyiamwhatiam.tumblr.com

 

35. “Girly handwriting.”

Might not be legible, but at least it DEFIES GENDER NORMS.

36. “Strutting.”

 

37. “Flirting.”

me flirting: hate a lot of people but i don’t hate you

— ughposts (@k)

38. Whenever there is talk of marriage or weddings:

39. Conversations with women who are “good” at “being women.”

http://omyperiod.tumblr.com

And probably the worst part of it all…

40. You can’t relate to this Chaka Khan song.

Sheds a tear for what society deems as “being a woman.”

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