1. “Which one is the oldest?”
Why does our three-minute age difference fascinate you? WE ARE THE SAME AGE.
2. “Oooooh double trouble!” (Or “triple trouble.”)
How witty. We’ve never gotten that before.
3. “You’re a twin/triplet? Are you identical??”
I just told you that I have a twin/triplet brother, and I’m clearly a girl.
Did you take junior high biology?
4. “If I pinch you, does your twin/triplet feel it?”
5. “Can you read each other’s mind?”
See above response.
6. “Did your parents need fertility help/Were you natural?”
I can’t even begin to describe how much of your business this is not.
1. Why do you care about my parent’s fertility issues?
2. No, we were not mixed up in a test tube.
3. Really, this is so none of your business.
It’s the worst when people you JUST met ask you this. And yet, it happens all the time.
7. “Which one are you?”
If you really can’t tell us apart, there are way less offensive ways to ask this question.
Or just fake it till you make it.
8. “What is it like to be a twin/triplet/quad?”
We never know how to answer this question, especially if we don’t have any other siblings. It’s like asking what it’s like to be a sister, brother, etc. You don’t know, you just do it.
9. “How did your parents do it?”
We honestly don’t know.
10. “Who’s the smart one?” (insert any adjective here.)
Why can’t all of us be smart? Also, this is just a cue for every sibling to volunteer themselves.
11. “You don’t even look alike….” *suspicious eyes*
You’re right, we’re just pulling your leg. We’re not actually related at all.
IT’S CALLED BEING FRATERNAL.
12. Referring to you as “the twins” or “the triplets.”
We are separate people. We have first names. Use them.
13. “Do you do everything together?”
No, that’s called being Siamese twins. Which we clearly are not.
14. “Are you guys, like, super competitive?”
15. “Do you watch Jon & Kate Plus 8? Y’know, cause they’re like you?”
Do you watch Jersey Shore? Y’know, cause they’re like you?
16. “Did your parents know they were having twins/triplets?”
No, when my mom’s stomach swelled to ginormity, she just assumed it was one absolutely massive baby.
Not to mention ULTRASOUNDS.
17. “I wish I had a twin/I wish I was a triplet/quadruplet.”
You may very well feel that way.
So do all the other people who constantly tell us this.
18. “Why don’t your names match?”
Because our parents didn’t hate us.
19. “Who would win in a fight?”
Us. We would team up to punch you in the face.
20. “Were you premature?”
Yes or no, this is once again none of your business. We’re clearly doing fine now, and if we’re not, you REALLY shouldn’t be asking this question.
21. “Do you ever switch places?”
This is an especially stupid question if you’re in high school or college.
No, I didn’t decide to take on my sister’s Trigonometry class for a day with no prior experience, just like how she would never try to go to volleyball practice in my place.
Contrary to popular belief, our lives are not like a TV show.