1. You learned that any girl over 16 is a woman. Actually: a womyn.
2. You got very excited about protesting the impending Gulf War and were slightly sad when it ended so quickly.
3. You protested the existence of frats, but also sometimes went to frat parties.
4. You wanted more than anything to hang out with Madonna and Sandra Bernhard.
6. And you printed out your papers in some creepy basement.
7. You attended many Take Back the Night rallies.
8. You loved correcting people on the pronunciation of W.E.B. Du Bois’ last name. (IT’S DOO-BOYZ.)
9. You wore tie-dye even though you KNEW it was objectively ugly.
10. The philosophy of Andrea Dworkin kind of destroyed your sex life.
11. You were assigned The Autobiography of Malcolm X for most classes.
12. But Maxine Hong Kingston’s The Woman Warrior also made it onto an impressive number of your reading lists.
13. You tried and failed to get arrested at an anti-apartheid/free Nelson Mandela/divestment die-in.
14. You got super high and listened to the Velvet Underground and Nico.
15. You got super high and had to go to the health center because you were sure you were having a heart attack.
16. You wrote a paper about Pretty Woman as the anti-feminist apocalypse (but secretly liked it).
17. And another one about the homophobia in Silence of the Lambs (but genuinely loved it).
19. You were issued a rape whistle with your new student package.
20. And when you were walking alone at night, if a woman was walking near you, you crossed the street so she felt safe.
21. You spent a lot of time thinking about Chuck D and Flavor Flav’s relationship. Like, what did they talk about?
22. When Nirvana exploded, you felt like Kurt Cobain had maybe stolen your look a little.
23. Your entire campus took acid en masse at least twice a year.
24. You didn’t have a TV, so you had to watch Twin Peaks at the campus center in a huge group.
25. But no matter how many people were around, Bob was scary as shit.
27. You truly loved the Grateful Dead and took a semester off to follow them.
28. You truly hated the Grateful Dead, but were forced to go to at least three Dead shows anyway.
29. In order to communicate with your friends, you had to leave them notes on their doors.
31. And your first dinner party with it was an all-Moosewood extravaganza.
32. Your personal anthem was Snap’s “I’ve Got the Power.”
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