1. He’s waged war with CBS.
“They picked a fight with a warlock”
2. He posseses Adonis DNA and Tiger blood.
That’s how he beat addiction, duh.
3. He’s “bitchin’, a total freakin’ rock star from Mars.”
So, naturally, he deserves $3 million an episode.
4. The creator of AA is a plagiarist.
He cleaned up without AA in Sober Valley Lodge, which also happens to be his own home.
5. He’s never gone to work drunk.
Tipsy, sure, but “never loaded.”