• 1. He’s waged war with CBS.

    “They picked a fight with a warlock”

  • 2. He posseses Adonis DNA and Tiger blood.

    That’s how he beat addiction, duh.

  • 3. He’s “bitchin’, a total freakin’ rock star from Mars.”

    So, naturally, he deserves $3 million an episode.

  • 4. The creator of AA is a plagiarist.

    He cleaned up without AA in Sober Valley Lodge, which also happens to be his own home.

  • 5. He’s never gone to work drunk.

    Tipsy, sure, but “never loaded.”