1. “You must support Pakistan in India v/s Pakistan na?”
2. “Your ancestors must be from Pakistan na?”
3. “You definitely have some connection with Pakistan na?”
Yup! Love for Fawad Khan is all the connection I have with Pakistan!
4. “Why do you wear a burqa?”
Mah LyFf, mah RulzZ.
5. “Why don’t you wear a burqa?”
Mah lyf, mah rulzZ.
6. “You can’t eat in Ramadan but you can still drink water, right?”
We can take chullu bhar paani and drown you in it instead.
7. “Don’t you get hungry?”
8. “You must know Mohammed Ali Road inside out!”
Why? I don’t live there.
9. “Did you know Kasab?”
10. “What does (random Urdu word) mean?”
Yes, because every stereotypical Muslim character in Bollywood speaks Urdu, I should too, right?
11. “You must love Shah Rukh and Salman movies.”
The ones that make sense, yes.
12. “Are you related to any of them?”
13. “Does your mom make chicken, mutton and biryani like everyday?”
Unlike you, my mom has better things to do.
14. “Can you make biryani?”
I can take you down in a biryani eating match.
15. “Muslims shouldn’t swear, right? Why are you swearing?”
16. “You must’ve totally slaughtered a bakra for Eid na?”
Nope, not yet. I needed your neck.
18. “Jihad means terrorism, right?”
It’s jihad trying to make you understand something!
19. “How are you a Maharashtrian if you’re a Muslim?”
Because geography and my religious beliefs are totally the same thing.
20. You must really hate Modi na?
You know what I really hate? Your assumptions.