Ever tried to put sunscreen on your legs while they’re covered in sand? Yeah, I’d rather get a sunburn.
Not only are you terrified of encountering one of these tentacled fuckers, but you also have a panic attack anytime a little piece of seaweed brushes up against your leg.
You take one step outside at night, and you’ve given more blood than you’ve ever given to the American Red Cross.
4. Beach Umbrellas
Sure they provide shade. But on a windy day they’re the perfect utensil for human kabobs.
Whether they’re screaming through your nap, throwing sand, or abandoned by their idiot parents, kids are can easily ruin a peaceful beach day.
There is never enough aloe in the world.
As if the threat of jellyfish, sharks and other ocean creatures wasn’t enough…riptides are there to pull you out to sea and potentially drown you.
Seriously. Those people that fly kites in the middle of a crowded beach and nearly kill everyone deserved to get punched in the throat.
Also known as Shitbats. STOP FEEDING THEM, YOU GUYS. They will never go away.
A place to sit is harder to find than Waldo and Carmen Sandeigo combined.