1. Your family has started wearing paper bags over their heads to your games.
“It’s the latest fashion statement, honey!”
2. The only team that will accept you is CYO.
Jesus doesn’t make cuts, thank the Lord!
3. Your coach holds direct eye contact with you whenever he’s yelling at your team.
I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, though.
4. Your asthma requires you to take a break every five minutes.
“Just gotta take my inhaler, coach… again.”
5. The ball hits you more often than you hit it.
Why does it have to move so damn fast?!
6. You’re still not sure how to hold a tennis racket properly.
…and you’ve been taking private lessons at the country club for six years.
7. Your team refers to you as the “MVP” every year because they think it’s funny.
8. Your dad offers to reward you with money if you score a basket.
This may or may not be based off personal experience.
9. Your coach encourages everyone to pass to you.
But only when you’re way ahead of the other team.
10. Fans of the other team have even started rooting you on.
And getting this much attention only makes you mess up even more.
11. The only chance you have at making it to second base has nothing to do with baseball.
And it’s still not that great of a chance.
12. You silently pray that no one will pass to you.
And when it does happen, you immediately try to pass to someone else.
13. Your golf score is higher than your weight.
Ugh, the one sport you finally score higher than everyone else.
14. Your coach has a paramedic on speed dial for your frequent injuries.
“He suffered severe bruises from tripping over flat ground.”
15. Your version of wrestling is more like aggressive cuddling.
Doomed to be a lover, not a fighter.
16. When someone suggests bowling your immediate reaction is, “With bumpers, right?”
“How else will I hit the little white things?!”