What Does Your Internet Instabituary Look Like?

If you made national headlines right this second, how would the world get to know you? It’s worth thinking about! *knocks on wood*

It could happen! A chimp could escape from your local zoo, break into your home, and murder you. A stray meteor could blast through the atmosphere, your roof, your ceiling then you. Or, more realistically, you could just crash your car. Assuming one of your final acts was to tweet “Driving tweeting sipping the cup fuck yolo I’m turning it up,” this could make you famous in the most tragic of ways.

Ok, so, this is a little morbid, but bear with me: A lot of people get their fifteen minutes of fame after they die, or after something exceptionally strange happens to them. And, as depressing as it might be, it’s at least interesting to consider what your own instant, internet-scraped obituary might look like. What they’d put on TV, basically.

So, let’s make Instabituaries! Here’s how to do it:

2. Take your last three tweets:

Or, if they’re boring, your last three interesting ones — tweets that might cause a local news reporter to suggest that “there were warning signs” or to use the phrase “in an ironic twist.”

6. Check your public Facebook profile:

Log out of Facebook so you can see what’s public — that’s the photo you’ll be memorialized with.

7. Then check your last blog post:

9. And your old blog posts:

11. And don’t forget other places where you might have used the same username:

13. Now put it all together:

Mine is pretty boring, and mostly just doesn’t make sense. Could be worse! How did yours turn out? Post your instabituaries in the comments.

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