In the wake of Steve Jobs’ death, Tim Cook has a tough keynote in front of him today. Lucky for him, John and Paul have already done most of the work.
Here’s a proposed press conference for tomorrow’s event, taken entirely from actual questions and answers from the Beatles’ 1968 Apple Records event. Tim, you’re not going to do any better than this, so don’t try.
Q: What is Apple?
Tim Cook: It’s a business concerning records, films, and electronics. And as a sideline, whatever it’s called… manufacturing, or whatever. We’re in the happy position of not really needing any more money. We’ve already bought all our dreams.
Q: What do you think of the critics?
Tim Cook: They were just disappointed, you know.
Q: Did they have any valid points? Were they valid?
Tim Cook: I didn’t see any valid points. They thought we were stepping out of our roles, you know. They like us to keep in the cardboard suits they designed for us.
Q: You certainly have reinforced some trends that you have picked up, whether you’ve started them or not
Tim Cook: Yeah. That’s what we do. That’s what happens. They get reinforced, but they’re there already.
Q: Do you have any other new philosophical leaders?
Tim Cook: No. Nope.
Q: Do you consider yourselves as trendsetters for the younger generation in the things that you do, or do they just sort of happen?
Tim Cook: We follow trends ourselves. I think everyone does. I can never find out who STARTS the trends. It’s someone else altogether.
Q: Will [you] be doing a television… soon?
Tim Cook: I don’t know. Maybe. Quite possibly.
Q: Why are you here today?
Tim Cook: To do THIS.
Q: What is “this?”
Tim Cook: “What’s it look like?”