53 Things That’ve Changed Since The iPhone Came Out

The first iPhone came out five years ago today. That’s a pretty long time, it turns out.

1. Apple is the most valuable company in the world

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2. Which made a lot of rich people much richer

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3. AT&T has so many customers that its network doesn’t work

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4. But T-Mobile is nearly bankrupt

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5. The Blackberry is dead

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6. And Nokia is in huge trouble. When’s the last time you saw one of these?

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7. These events are the biggest news of the day

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8. And we all listen to this guy now

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9. Because he basically made a huge iPod touch and it still turned out great

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10. Gadgets got weirdly political, so everyone’s a fanboy

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11. Touchscreens are everywhere

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12. And everybody understands what this stuff means

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13. Browsing the internet on a phone is a completely normal thing

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14. And every company has an app

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15. Other phones got app stores too

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16. Just the word “app.” How often did people say that before 2008?

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17. We’ve stopped carrying separate media players

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18. And nobody needs these things

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19. You can’t see the band when you go to a concert (but you can watch them on YouTube later)

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20. The company that makes these came into existence AND got shut down

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21. Nobody likes Flash anymore (and it’s dying)

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22. We’ve seen a bunch of famous peoples’ junk

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23. We don’t look where we’re walking

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24. And text messages are organized like emails, instead of in one big list

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25. But we write them in inscrutable symbols, so it doesn’t really matter

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26. Oh god, A U T O C O R R E C T

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27. Which means these are the only humans that can still spell

Mark Wilson / Getty Images
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28. We treat our phones like babies, because they’re ridiculously delicate and require constant attention + feeding

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29. And we even talk to them, like actual insane people

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30. But we never make phone calls, because why would we do that?

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31. We’re starting to pay attention to where our gadgets come from

BOBBY YIP / Reuters
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32. And even though we don’t have one of these anymore…

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33. We never get lost

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34. Waiting in line is much easier

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35. And we don’t argue for hours about dumb trivia anymore

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36. But we can never escape Twitter and Facebook and it’s great but its also it’s ruining all of our lives (HELP)

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37. Anyway, nobody does crosswords

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38. Because we’re too busy hooking up with anonymous strangers

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39. Or because we’re all playing this dumb game

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40. But seriously, everyone is a gamer now, and simple casual games have gotten awesome

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41. And it’s much easier to keep kids occupied (and all our kids’ brains have been permanently rewired)

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42. People pay for software again (just, not very much)

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43. But every big box store is basically just a showroom for Amazon

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44. Every fight gets posted on the internet

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45. All news is instant, no matter where we are

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46. And we always know what song is playing in the bar

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47. Smartphones all look kind of the same

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48. We read the same way we watch TV: with a DVR

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49. We do this a lot more

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50. All our photos look old, and we instantly send them to EVERYBODY

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51. We use Spotify and Pandora instead of listening to the radio

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52. The pooping experience has been REVOLUTIONIZED

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53. This infernal marimba sound is burned into our brains forever

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