Here’s Why You Should Stay Home On Black Friday

IT’S A SCAM. And it will make you sad. Also: leftovers.

1. Guys, it’s almost Thanksgiving

2. Which for most of us means it’s time to get ready for plenty of this

3. But for some of you, it’s all about this

4. Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

5. On Monday, there were already people camping out in front of stores

6. Hundreds of them, across the country

8. Because of deals like this

9. I mean come on, that TV is HUGE

10. TEMPTING, RIGHT??

11. But if you’re thinking about shopping on Friday, STOP. Settle down. Let me explain something to you.

12. First of all, Black Friday will make you sad

13. And tired

14. And trigger a deep and lasting depression

More on that HERE

15. Going to a big box store is always a bummer. On Friday, it will be the biggest bummer. The only thing that’s REALLY on sale is sadness, and they never run out of stock:

16. Worse yet, Black Friday can be dangerous. People get hurt:

17. In 2008, a man was trampled to death at Walmart. This is horrifying.

The lead sale item that day was a DVD player.

18. Nobody’s safety is worth risking for this

19. Of course, most shoppers’ Black Friday experiences won’t be dangerous, just hectic and stressful

Reuters/Anthony Bolante / Reuters

20. But still, STAY HOME. Black Friday is a SCAM

21. And a SHAM

22. And most Black Friday deals aren’t really deals at all

23. First, a lot of the “doorbusters” are off-brands:

You keep your TV for a long time! You want to make sure you get the right one

24. And to get any of the decent-looking deals, you have to show up at an ungodly hour

25. Wait, just a sec. Look closer

26. Closer…….

27. ZOOM…. SHARPEN…….. ENHANCE……

28. But it’s worse than that. Data suggests that even the good deals aren’t that good:

The best times to buy, according to Decide:

-Laptops: Mid-December is the best time to buy during the holiday season.

-TVs: To get the lowest price on a TV, the best time to buy is the week leading up to Black Friday.

-Cameras: From point-and-shoots to more sophisticated models for professional photographers, the best time to buy is before Black Friday.

29. Also, like, this is NOT how you should buy electronics

Spencer Platt / Getty Images

30. The things you need — TVs, laptops, tablets, phones — are important purchases that you should think about a lot

You’re stuck with your phone for two years, and your laptop for even longer. Tablets are getting cheaper every day, and the best stuff, from brands like Apple and Google and Microsoft and Amazon, isn’t any cheaper on Black Friday.

TVs are ALWAYS cheap, and there are much more important things to consider than whether or not you’ll save $50. Like, for example, how that giant TV will look in your living room for the next five years.

Try the Wirecutter for up-to-date recommendations on the things you should buy.

31. It’s just not worth it. At best, you’ll end up with a bunch of stuff you don’t really need, purchased for slightly lower than list, and a headache.

32. (You, on Friday afternoon)

33. And I haven’t even gotten to the opportunity costs yet. For example, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving. Which means LEFTOVERS

34. Camping out at a store to score a deal on a USB stick or whatever means you’ll be missing this

(more here)

36. So don’t leave the house. Maybe read a book

37. Get some rest

38. Watch some crappy TV

39. Or, jeez, just spend some time with your grandma. She misses you!

40. I mean, listen. You have the day off. USE YOUR IMAGINATION

41. And remember: Black Friday doesn’t need you

It’ll do just fine.

42. And you don’t need Black Friday

43. So, whatever you do, PLEASE, please, please don’t let this be you. You deserve better. We all do.

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