1. 1. Theon Greyjoy as ‘That Guy Who Got His Penis Cut Off’
Never far from his closest friend…
2. 2. Ramsay Snow as ‘That Guy Who Cut That Other Guy’s Penis Off’
Turning two beautiful young girls onto a captive man then yanking them away and cutting off his dick? Pretty sinister.
3. 3. Podrick Payne as ‘Guy With a Huge Penis, Apparently’
Not that I want to see it or anything.
4. 4. Lord Varys as ‘Bald Guy Without A Penis’
Unless the secret is you have no genitals. Because you tell almost everybody that.
5. 5. Grey Worm as ‘Unsullied Guy Without a Penis’
Unsullied, and ready to mingle…
6. 6. Oberyn Martell as ‘Bisexual Antonio Banderas’
This guy is pretty badass so far.
7. 7. Loras Tyrell as ‘Sword Swallower, Through and Through’
At least his Grandma is cool!
8. 8. Davos Seaworth as ‘Guy Who Can’t Read’
But learning at a splendid rate. By Season 4, Episode 7 he’ll be polishing off 50 Shades of Grey with ease.
9. 9. Stannis Baratheon as ‘The Most Boring Character in the Show’
I know he’s an important character but literally he’s been a snooze fest so far. Basically starting the same character arch all over again. We literally first meet him burning things on a beach, listening to some chick then going to war. Now we see him once again burning things on a beach, listening to some chick and presumably going to war. At least the chick is…
10. 10. Lady Melisandre as ‘Hot Chick Who Had A Demon Baby’
As if putting fire in every shot she appears in wasn’t telling enough. She is hot!