1. First you cry.
Stress. Stress. Stress.
2. Drink to get over the sadness.
3. Recover from the hangover.
4. Start the dreaded job hunt.
Drag out the suits and brush your hair.
5. Interviewing is the worst.
6. Answer ridiculous questions. “Do you like money?’
7. Somehow make time for your friends.
Clubbing. Drinking. Eating.
9. Wonder why you didn’t get the job?
“Your qualifications exceed our minimum qualifications?”
10. Grieve when you don’t get your dream job.
11. Start to go crazy.
12. Be surprised when you actually get a job.
“I did it? I got a job? Now what?”
13. Celebrate the new job.
14. Move out of your parents house.
New apartment. New roommate. Old furniture. Weird smell. Tons of Ramen Noodles.
15. Start drinking like a sophisticated person.
That means “cigarettes and a glass of scotch.”
16. Start to dread Mondays even more.
17. Enjoy your new life.
And don’t forget to thank everyone who helped you along the way.