After marriage “mine” means “ours,” so get ready to share every mint chip waffle cone from here on out.
No more just doing your own thing on those days, now it’s, “Breakfast at your parents, then Christmas dinner at mine. Oh, and we have to drive three hours to see my great aunt tomorrow who you’ve never met, but that’s the holidays, right?”
3. “Friday night”
What once meant $3 shots before 10 pm at your favorite bar now means the time you both catch up on your DVR before falling asleep with Cheez-It crumbs on your laps.
Remember trying to impress each other when you two were dating? Now your dates are built around the 2-For-$20 deal at Applebee’s and whether or not the sitter can watch the kids ‘til 11 pm.
You used to want to vacation somewhere that was rocking and rolling and full of youths like yourselves. Now all you want is a comfortable room in a modest hotel at reasonable prices, preferably in the quiet side of town. Oh, and wine. Lots of wine.
Gone are the days of Jello shots and dancing all night, for now is the time of baby showers. So many baby showers.
7. “Nice ride”
RIP (or with its new owner) your sporty coupe that was in no way meant to hold a car seat.
The only fashion trend married couples care about is what is new on the comfortable loungewear horizon.
This is what you used to call each other when you were being all cutesy. However, now this what you call your actual baby, since, y’know, it’s a baby.
Not being able to afford a pair of shoes you don’t need in the first place is not being broke. Paying a mortgage and then finding out you need to replace the roof is being broke.
“For better or worse” applies to family as well, so that loud uncle your spouse always complained about is now your loud uncle, too.
Bye bye $300 Limited Edition Air Jordans! Hello, Living Spaces bedroom set!
13. “Weed” and “Pot”
“Honey, there are weeds in that pot. Can you pull them out, please? BTW, we are so old now.”
14. “Road trip”
The only road trips you guys are taking are to the good Costco that is a few more miles away.
You guys used to have a ton of “friends”, but after marriage that number gets whittled down to a few other married couples you actually care about/don’t mind taking trips to wine country with.
Now this means all you can eat while your spouse’s stank eye watches you get your third plate of chow mein and meatball sliders.
Before marriage, alone was, well, being alone. After marriage it’s the dreadful thought that one day one of you will inevitably die, leaving the other one truly alone.
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