16 Wedding Gifts You Will Get No Matter What

Great, another toaster. posted on

1. A toaster.

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Your old one was getting sort of crusty, (pun intended), so why not register for an upgrade? Well, because chances are you’ll get multiple, and none will be the model you wanted.

2. Towels galore.

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Towels are a pretty safe bet because everyone showers (hopefully). However, you will be gifted enough towels for the Australian Diving Team and then some.

3. Crystal frames.

These will look great in your new “Boca Raton in the ’80s”-themed living room you are putting together, right?

4. Gross-scented candles.

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“Caribbean Breeze” smells more like “Bad Spring Break Memories.” What is wrong with plain white candles, again?

5. A figurine.

“I hope someone gets us a figurine of children getting married.” — No couple ever.

6. Fancy glassware that you will never use unless the president comes over.

Seriously, these are going in the cupboard wrapped in multiple pieces of tissue paper only to be forgotten until it is time to move.

7. A homemade “work of art.”

They will never be as awesome as this, though.

8. Something religious.

Even if you aren’t religious it will happen, and you will have to display it when the person who gave it to you comes to visit.

9. One Honeyfund donation for the excursion you don’t really want to do.

Sure, the donation can go towards anything on your list, but when the person who donated sees you, you’ll have to explain why you didn’t go on that Horseshoeing In The Tropics excursion.

10. A kitchen gadget you didn’t even know existed.

But still sort of rad, well, for the one time you’ll use it.

11. A gift with no card attached.

Just think of it as one less thank you card you have to write.

12. On the other hand, a card that mentions a gift you never received.

This is the perfect crime of not actually having to give a gift, not that you can accuse anyone of that, though.

13. An engraved/embroidered gift.

Just in case you forget your names.

14. Gift cards to places you never go.

Well you will now! Hope you enjoy driving thirty miles to the nearest Macaroni Grill!

15. A perfect, beautiful, thoughtful gift with a lovely note given to you by someone you hardly know.

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Nothing like sobbing while you ask, “Which one is Emily, again?”

16. Cash.

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People say that cash is an impersonal gift, but what cash really says is, “This is what I personally would want, so here you go.”

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