1. The newlyweds who think getting married in Las Vegas is sooo original.
They just got married down the street and are now ready to spread the cheer, whether you like it or not. Bonus points when you can tell this isn’t their first walk to the altar.
2. The drunk person who can’t find their friends.
You see them, stumbling alone with a glazed look that says, “That last round of shots was a bad idea. What hotel am I staying in again?”
3. The bachelor party that is going to “tear it up!”
On Friday they’ll seem bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but come Saturday they’ll look burnt out and ready to go home.
4. The bachelorette party that is ready to get “wild.”
And by wild I mean throw on a sash that says “Bride To Be” and then drink out of penis straws. Together with the bachelor parties, they make up about 88% of the people you see on any given night in Las Vegas. And if you can’t see them you are sure to hear them yell, “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” somewhere in the distance.
5. The kids who just turned 21 and want everyone to know it.
There they are, getting plastered and making bad decisions. It almost makes you miss those days. Almost.
6. The people who thought more than two days in Vegas was a good idea.
Let’s face it: Las Vegas is good for two nights, three if you really push it. Anything over that and it becomes a neon nightmare where time slips away as your mind quickly follows.
7. The scary people in the high roller section.
No scary in the intimidating sense, but scary in the, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY THEY BETTING RIGHT NOW? I COULD BUY A BOAT WITH THAT MUCH MONEY!”
8. The EDM crowd who think they were the first to discover electronic music.
All they want to do is dance in an over-capacity club as the sounds of pulsating beats make them forget that they just paid $60 to get in and another $80 for two waters and a rum and coke.
9. The Midwesterners who are just here for the convention.
They’re just there for the weekend for networking reasons. Oh, and to spend their per diem on buffets and lap dances.
10. The awesome dealer that just wants you to have a good time.
These people are the best. They give you advice, show you how to play the game, etc. God bless them, one and all.
11. On the other hand, the dealer who could give two shits whether you win or lose.
You: “So, where you from?”
Them: “Are you gonna bet or not?”
12. The cocktail waitress whose attention you can never get.
Is she looking over here? Crap! She just walked away! ALL I WANT TO DO IS ORDER A SIMPLE BEER!
13. The locals who are tired of your shit.
You can spot them from the look of disdain they have when trying to pass you as you drunkenly stumble through Caesar’s Palace.