1. If you’re not a morning person you will become one. Sort of.
You may not be chipper, but you will be up. So there’s that, I guess.
2. You will figure out exactly how much time you need to get ready in the morning.
And sleep not a minute less.
3. Coffee intake has a threshold and you will find yours.
That fourth cup before 10 a.m. sounded like a good idea, but then this happened.
4. You will develop a relationship with your GPS of choice.
Oh, how I love thee, let me count thy Waze.
5. You will watch Office Space on a whole other level.
What once was a comedy to you is now a relatable tale of woe, and will hit a little too close to home.
6. Every purchase you make will somehow try to be written off as a work expense.
Rock climbing lessons? Those were for learning how to climb the corporate ladder, right?
7. The last thing you will want on your birthday is cake.
Since it seems like there is cake for someone else’s birthday every day, all you want on your special day is the complete opposite. A sensible salad, maybe?
8. You will become uncommonly territorial about your desk space.
This is your side, this is my side, and never the twain shall meet.
9. Judging co-workers outfits will be a daily thing, even if you are dressed questionably.
You’re trying this out, so what?
10. Your co-workers poop schedule will be memorized, whether you like it or not.
2:15? There goes Gary!
11. Co-workers who listen to music without headphones will become your mortal enemy.
Same thing goes for people who come in sick. GTFO, you harbinger of death!
12. Even if you just ate, if free lunch is delivered you will eat it.
No such thing as a free lunch? Tell that to your sweatpants, since those will be the only thing you will fit in if you keep eating this way.
13. You will seriously think about investing in a treadmill desk.
But then you see the price and are like, “Nah, I’m good.”
14. You will be amazed by how much your snack intake will increase.
Walk to bathroom. Get a snack. Walk back from bathroom. Get another snack. And so on and so on.
15. You will have a week where everyday feels like a Friday, but it’s really only Wednesday.
This week will almost destroy you.
16. You will bow at the altar which is the IT department.
And will quickly do your best to befriend them.
17. Someone will annoyingly hum somewhere in the office, but you won’t be able to find out who exactly.
Same thing goes for farting.
18. Overly cheery co-workers will get on your last nerve.
Why are they so cheery? Drugs? Gotta be drugs.
19. Your DVR will pile up with shows you are too tired to watch.
Staying up past 10 p.m. watching TV? What are you, a college student?
20. The weekend will never come soon enough, but Monday always will.