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80 Thoughts Everyone Has When Visiting Disneyland

“I mean, how packed could it be?”

1. Wow. What great a day this is going to be.

2. I guess I could have woken up earlier so that I could get there right when it opens, but whatevs.

3. I mean, how packed could it be?

4. :: pulls into a mile-long line of cars in the parking garage :: FML.

5. $17 for parking? Does that come with breakfast?!

David McNew / Via Getty Images

6. Well, parking wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The tram will probably be OK.

7. :: gets into mile-long line for the tram :: FML.

8. Finally made it off the tram! That means I’m almost there!

9. Ugh. Chose the wrong bag check line. Why does this lady in front of me have like a zillion bags?

10. :: sees long ass ticket line :: Dammit! Why didn’t I buy my tickets online?

11. $96 for one park or $150 for Disneyland AND California Adventure? Decisions decisions.

12. Screw it. I can spend that extra $54 on churros and Dole Whips. Just classic Disneyland it is!

13. :: walks in :: My lord, this place is magical!

14. What should I ride first?

15. Actually, I should pee first.

16. Now I’m ready!

17. No thank you, Mr. Disney Photographer, I do not want my picture taken. That is what my iPhone is for.

18. How is there already an hour wait for Space Mountain? It’s 10:15 a.m.!

19. Eh, I’ll grab a FastPass and come back later. Star Tours it is!

20. :: leaving Star Tours :: I NEVER GET TO BE THE REBEL SPY!

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21. Jesus, there are a lot of strollers here.

22. And motorized scooters.

23. :: gets foot run over by scooter :: Ow! And they aren’t even going to stop and say sorry? Thaaaaat’s fantastic.

24. Whatever, I’m not going to let that kill my mood. Off to get a FastPass for the Matterhorn!

25. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE MATTERHORN DOESN’T HAVE A FASTPASS?

26. Ugh. Fine. I’ll just get in line.

27. :: steps off ride an hour later :: Worth it.

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28. I should get a churro now.

29. And a frozen lemonade to wash it down with.

30. :: burps :: Ah! Refreshed!

31. :: walks into Fantasyland and see all the kids and long lines :: Nope.

32. I totally forgot that there is a petting zoo here.

33. :: pets sheep as a goat poops nearby :: Didn’t think this would happen when I woke up this morning.

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34. Why are there adults and teenage girls in line to meet the princesses? Don’t they know they are just getting the autograph of some random college student?

35. How are my feet already tired? I need to sit for a bit. I know! The Mark Twain Riverboat!

36. :: gets off boat :: My lord, that felt like forever.

37. :: gets on Pirates of the Caribbean :: Wave to the people eating in the Blue Bayou Restaurant! Hell, for the price they’re paying for a meal it’s the least I can do.

38. Haunted Mansion never disappoints.

39. :: one minute into Haunted Mansion :: It broke? Goddammit!

40. It’s a little warm out. This is a good time to ride Splash Mountain.

41. A 75 minute wait? Whatever. Let’s just get it over with.

42. :: emerges from Splash Mountain completely soaked :: Well fuck me.

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43. I could totally get into being one of those pin traders.

44. :: sniffs air :: What is that heavenly smell? :: sniffs again ::

45. Clam chowder in a bread bowl? I think I have room for that.

46. :: inhales a clam chowder, then sniffs air again :: Turkey leg?

47: :: inhales turkey leg :: Now, back to Space Mountain!

48. :: exiting Space Mountain :: That clam chowder and turkey leg were not a very smart idea.

49. Ah, crap. It’s parade time.

50. All I want to do is get back to Frontierland and do Indiana Jones!

51. Wait, that sounded weird.

52. Where the hell are all these little girls dressed like princesses coming from? Is there a factory somewhere?

53. And why is everyone walking so slow?

54. DON’T JUST STOP IN FRONT OF ME TO TAKE A PICTURE! MOVE TO THE SIDE LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING!

55. Wow. I may have overreacted a tad.

56. An ice cream will make me feel better.

57. OMG look at that thing!

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58. Man, I can’t believe people are already waiting for Fantasmic!

59. Eh, I’m sure I can find a good spot to watch it later.

60. Alright, headed to the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage.

61. :: hyperventilating :: I know we are under like a foot of water but JESUS CHRIST LET ME OUT! THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN!

62. Phew. That was close. I need air. Mad Tea Party?

63. :: dizzily gets off the teacups :: Maybe that ice cream was a little much.

64. OK, time to watch Fantasmic!

65. Whoa. Guess I should’ve nabbed a seat earlier. I guess I’ll just have to watch it behind this large family in matching t-shirts.

66. I’m officially tired.

67. I’ll just check out the gift shops on Main Street for a minute.

68. :: an hour later :: Uh oh.

69. I feel like I haven’t rode many rides.

70. I should have planned this better.

71. I should have come on a less busy day.

72. I should have brought my own food.

73. I should have brought sunscreen.

74. I should have brought more money.

75. None of that matters now. Just a few more rides and then I can call it quits.

Jonathan Gibby / Via Getty Images

76. How are there still kids running around? It’s 9:45 p.m.! How come they get all the energy?

77. Ugh. There is no way I am getting on everything. There’s just not enough time.

78. Maybe I should have bought an annual pass.

79. Whatever. I feel like I got my money’s worth. Time to go home.

80. :: walks out front gate, turns around :: Until next time, Disneyland. I love you.

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