17 Things You Would Really Like Your Doctor To Say To You

You know, besides “It’s not a tumor.”

1. “Pizza really isn’t that bad for you.”

NBC / Via

2. “Don’t worry, that’s supposed to look like that.”

3. “The results came back… Seems you have a case of being awesome.”

ABC / Via

4. “Here’s my personal phone number. Feel free to call me anytime you’ve spent too much time on WebMD and have convinced yourself you’re dying.”

NBC / Via

5. “I know the lollipops are for kids but feel free to take as many as you want.”

Fox / Via

6. “Open up and say what kind of ice cream you would like.”

ABC / Via

7. “Next time no waiting room. Just tell them you’re here to see me and come right on back.”

Fox / Via

8. “The good news: You are healthy. The bad news: I actually don’t have any bad news.”

9. “My hands are cold so I won’t be touching you today.”

Warner Bros. / Via

10. “If you’re holding in a fart just let it go. I don’t mind.”

11. “Does exercise really work? Who knows?”

Fox / Via

12. “Time for your shots…of whiskey!”

Mill Creek Entertainment / Via

13. “Please, keep your clothes on.”

NBC / Via

14. “That mole looks weird, let me… Wait, it’s just chocolate. My bad.”

Starz / Anchor Bay / Via

15. “I hated Patch Adams.”

ABC / Via

16. “Your weight is perfect and you carry it well.”

17. “Don’t worry, the bill has been taken care of by the handsome gentleman over there.”

NBC / Via

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