1. The only reason to hike is if there is a zombie apocalypse.
2. Even though you've told them no a million times, people will always try to convince you to hike with them.
3. There is nothing worse than being convinced to go on a hike to see something cool, and then have it be closed or off limits when you get there.
4. You never bring enough food and always regret it.
Oops, ate all my jerky and power bars. Wait, we've only been walking 15 minutes? Uh oh.
5. Trail mix is garbage.
6. People always want to hike at the butt crack of dawn.
7. Hiking in the sun = swamp ass and much worse.
8. The potential to get a twisted ankle is always one step away.
9. There is no bigger crime against fashion than the hiking shoe.
10. Even when a trail is clearly marked, you're afraid of getting lost.
11. The higher you go up the harder it gets.
Oh, you didn't know you had asthma? Well, you do now!
12. Hiking down is always worse than hiking up.
13. There are deadly animals around every corner.
14. No amount of bug spray will stop you from being eaten alive.
15. If you really want to see a view, you can Google it. Or have someone drive you to it. Just definitely don't hike to it.
