40 Things Every Self-Respecting Man Over 30 Should Own

You aren’t a kid anymore. So stop acting like one, and start being the grown-azz man you ought to be.

1. A tailored black suit

A plain black suit is an essential part of any man’s wardrobe. Tailoring is also important, because an ill-fitting suit makes you look like you’re playing dress-up.

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2. Black dress shoes

OK, maybe not a pair of Tom Ford dress shoes, but something similar. Just remember that you get what you pay for, so invest wisely.

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3. Brown dress shoes

You need something to wear with khakis, or that blue (tailored) suit, right?

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4. Stocks

Who cares if you know how the market works or not?

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5. A tool kit

It doesn’t need to be the most expensive, it just has to have the necessities: hammer, screwdriver (both Phillips and flathead), wrench, pliers, and a tape measure.

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6. A nice wallet

If your wallet has any Velcro on it whatsoever, burn it.

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7. Cologne, NOT BODY SPRAY

Use sparingly, of course.

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8. A watch

Because checking what time it is on your phone is sooo 2011.

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9. A proper bed with proper bedding

If you’re still sleeping on a futon, this list may not be for you.

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10. A flashlight

Now you see the light.

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11. Duct tape

For when that tool kit just seems too difficult.

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12. A weekend bag

Throwing your crap in a plastic bag or backpack when heading to Las Vegas won’t cut it anymore.

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13. Proper glassware

The essentials being rocks and wine glasses. The rest are for when you finally get that wet bar together.

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14. Grooming kit

Those nose hairs aren’t going to trim themselves.

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15. Double-hinged wine key

Oh, stop whining and get one already.

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16. Multiple towels

If your one towel is cracking, then it’s time to man up and invest in super soft and luxurious spa towels.

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17. A chef’s knife

If you own one knife, it better be a chef’s knife. Like shoes, investing in quality is a smarter move. So make sure the blade’s steel runs through the handle.

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18. A passport

It’s better to be prepared than disappointed when you win that trip overseas in that radio call-in contest.

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19. A flask

See, Derek knows what’s up.

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20. Sewing kit

Your mom isn’t going to be around forever to fix the holes in your sweater. Also, if that sweater keeps getting holes, it might be time to get a new sweater.

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21. An umbrella

Just in case, ya know?

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22. Buy an ironing board, and an iron.

Oh, you don’t have the room? Explain that during your job interview while you squirm in your wrinkled pants and shirt.

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23. Jumper cables

I don’t even care if you own a car or not; just own them.

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24. Undershirts

And when they start to get yellow in the armpits, toss ‘em.

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25. Playing cards

So you can do stuff like this.

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26. A lint roller

Just because you have cats doesn’t mean you have to showcase it to the world. Same goes for dandruff.

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27. A leatherman

It screams, “Move out the way. I got this.”

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28. Sunglasses

Keep it classic with Wayfarers or aviators. No shutter shades, though; your face is not a bay window.

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29. A record player

It doesn’t need to be fancy, it just needs to be able to play The Clash’s London Calling without it skipping.

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30. Football/soccer ball/basketball, etc.

Just have something that says, “I leave my house occasionally and have a somewhat active lifestyle.” Even darts work.

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31. A French press

Nothing says “I love you” more than making your significant other coffee in a French press. If you don’t have a S.O., screw it, more coffee for you, then.

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32. Good socks

Basically, no holes, OK?

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33. Good underwear

As with socks, if they have holes then they goes. In the trash, that is.

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34. A cast-iron skillet

And at least one good recipe to go with it.

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35. Multiple sheet sets

With at least a 300-thread count.

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36. A bar set

If you’re asking, “Why?” then just move on, because I’m done with you.

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37. Matching dishes

Hey, at least they match.

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38. A decent car

If you live in a city that necessitates you driving, of course.

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39. A solid book collection

Nobody is saying you have to read them all, but just having them speaks volumes.

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40. A decent bottle of booze

For when the president comes over, right?

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Check this out for some of these items in action:

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