1. Put your goddamn dish in the sink, not next to it.
If there’s no room in the sink, guess what? Do the damn dishes!
2. Put the frickin’ toilet seat down.
And wipe it, please. This is aimed at the men, since they are the ones missing the mark while aiming in this scenario.
3. Hold your stanky fart until in a better place.
There are a multitude of better places to let ‘em rip than next to me in an elevator, such as: outside, another room, into a pillow, etc.
4. Close the damn drawer all the way.
You literally had like an inch to go and gave up. And stop looking at me like that!
5. Stand to the right on escalators so others can pass, for chrissake.
This is one of society’s unspoken rules, but one people choose to ignore, especially at airports.
6. For all that is holy, put the toilet paper on properly and stop doing this.
One small step for men, one giant leap for becoming a better human all around.
7. Don’t put an almost empty carton/bottle/whatever back in the fridge.
Who is this helping? Who are you saving this for? The mouse you share an apartment with?
8. Cover your filthy mouth when you sneeze.
Save it, don’t spray it.
9. Don’t use the same knife for both the peanut butter AND the jelly, you monster.
10. Don’t press an elevator button that you clearly just saw someone push, just because you think they didn’t press it hard enough.
Same goes for crosswalks, and well, pretty much all buttons.
11. Give people the “thank you” wave while driving.
For instance, when someone lets you into their lane during traffic, give them the wave. To not do so means you are an entitled douche with bad hair and halitosis.
12. Have the appropriate amount of items in the 10 items or less line.
13. CLEAR THE LEFTOVER TIME ON THE MICROWAVE! ARRRRRRGHHH!
‘Nuff said, you heathens.
14. Turn off your phone when at the movies, you philistine.
Because there is nothing the rest of the audience loves more than being distracted by the evil glow of your screen as you check Facebook.
15. Clean up your dog’s fecal matter.
And don’t say, “It’s biodegradable.” That’s crap, and you know it.
16. Drive fast in the fast lane because it is called that for a reason.
Unless of course you are a complete and utter asshole, which in that case keep doing what you’re doing, you slow driving asshole.
17. Don’t text someone you will be there soon when you totally know you won’t be.
A few minutes away? More like a few minutes away from taking a shower, then getting ready, then actually leaving your house.
18. Finally, don’t go into work sick, potentially spreading the plague like the patient zero you are.