“House Of Cards” As Told By Someone Who Has Never Seen It

It’s about magicians, right?

1. WARNING! There are spoilers ahead but I wouldn’t know since I don’t watch the show, but people who do watch the show say that there are.

I know everyone has watched this show but I haven’t, so sue me. What I did do is search Tumblr for images and GIFs to summarize what this show is all about. Here are my findings.

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2. This is Frank Underwood.* He’s a senator?

*I know that from the tag that was under the GIF.

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3. Frank is a no-nonsense kind of guy, who isn’t going to let a receding hairline hold him back.

In fact, he will rock it with enthusiasm.

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4. He was also an aspiring animator but had to put that dream on the back burner.

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5. Everything Frank says is extremely deep.

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6. This is his wife, Bossbitch.gov.*

*Also what this was tagged as.

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7. I think she has anger issues.

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8. This is their daughter. Her name is Zoe.

Netflix / Via zozeroni.tumblr.com

She seems like a tough cookie. Probably has some issues with her parents.

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9. Frank is close to Zoe.

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10. Wait, I’m confused.

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11. Uh…

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12. Moving on, Zoe misses trains a lot.

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13. Plus, Major Dad from Major Dad is in it. He thinks everything is funny.

Netflix / Via notkatniss.tumblr.com
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14. Anyway, Frank and Bossbitch.gov seem to be pretty open sexually, which is pretty cool for politicians.

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15. After they have threesomes they enjoy dinner and wine and looking at each another.

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17. The real mystery of the show is the “him” that they hate so much.

Netflix / Via notkatniss.tumblr.com
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Netflix / Via notkatniss.tumblr.com
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Netflix / Via notkatniss.tumblr.com

Who can it be? Sen. Torkleson? James the intern?

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20. Also, Linda keeps coming in and messing stuff up.

Whoever Linda is, that is.

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21. What everyone DOESN’T know is that their every move is being watched by this guy named Cashew and his talking guinea pig.

Netflix / Via superfuffa.tumblr.com
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22. However, Frank is writing every thing he does down so as not to be blackmailed since he will have his own paper trail.

Netflix / Via wissywigg.tumblr.com
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23. Ultimately, the show is about people who like to look at the camera and give soliloquies.

Netflix / Via aliciavikandr.co.vu
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24. Like, they loooooove looking at the camera.

Netflix / Via arimelber.tumblr.com
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25. Yep, this show is probably awesome and I think I nailed what it’s all about. Right, Frank?

Netflix / Via wissywigg.tumblr.com
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