“House Of Cards” As Told By Someone Who Has Never Seen It

It’s about magicians, right?

1. WARNING! There are spoilers ahead but I wouldn’t know since I don’t watch the show, but people who do watch the show say that there are.


I know everyone has watched this show but I haven’t, so sue me. What I did do is search Tumblr for images and GIFs to summarize what this show is all about. Here are my findings.

2. This is Frank Underwood.* He’s a senator?

*I know that from the tag that was under the GIF.

3. Frank is a no-nonsense kind of guy, who isn’t going to let a receding hairline hold him back.

In fact, he will rock it with enthusiasm.

4. He was also an aspiring animator but had to put that dream on the back burner.

5. Everything Frank says is extremely deep.

6. This is his wife, Bossbitch.gov.*

*Also what this was tagged as.

7. I think she has anger issues.

8. This is their daughter. Her name is Zoe.

Netflix / Via zozeroni.tumblr.com

She seems like a tough cookie. Probably has some issues with her parents.

9. Frank is close to Zoe.

10. Wait, I’m confused.

12. Moving on, Zoe misses trains a lot.

13. Plus, Major Dad from Major Dad is in it. He thinks everything is funny.

Netflix / Via notkatniss.tumblr.com

14. Anyway, Frank and Bossbitch.gov seem to be pretty open sexually, which is pretty cool for politicians.

15. After they have threesomes they enjoy dinner and wine and looking at each another.

17. The real mystery of the show is the “him” that they hate so much.

Netflix / Via notkatniss.tumblr.com
Netflix / Via notkatniss.tumblr.com

Who can it be? Sen. Torkleson? James the intern?

20. Also, Linda keeps coming in and messing stuff up.

Whoever Linda is, that is.

21. What everyone DOESN’T know is that their every move is being watched by this guy named Cashew and his talking guinea pig.

Netflix / Via superfuffa.tumblr.com

22. However, Frank is writing every thing he does down so as not to be blackmailed since he will have his own paper trail.

Netflix / Via wissywigg.tumblr.com

23. Ultimately, the show is about people who like to look at the camera and give soliloquies.

Netflix / Via aliciavikandr.co.vu

24. Like, they loooooove looking at the camera.

Netflix / Via arimelber.tumblr.com

25. Yep, this show is probably awesome and I think I nailed what it’s all about. Right, Frank?

Netflix / Via wissywigg.tumblr.com

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