1. The underdressed guest
It’s not their fault, since they misread “wedding” as “Jimmy Buffett concert.”
2. The cousin you barely know
Sheila? No, Shelly! Wait, maybe it doesn’t start with an “S”… Carlos?
3. The shade-thrower
They compare your wedding to theirs, which was magnificent, the way they re-tell it. Suuuure it was.
4. The “sexy” dancer
And usually dancing like this during a slow song.
5. The advice giver
Not that you asked for advice, mind you, but that doesn’t stop them from freely dispensing their wisdom, even though they’ve been divorced three times.
6. The surprise drunk
Meaning, they go from sober to — SURPRISE — they’re drunk. This will usually happen to a person in the bridal party.
7. The gourmet
“Oh, pigs in a blanket? How… quaint.” — An asshole.
8. The person with a new camera/phone
They want to capture your big day but first they have to find the power button.
9. The unannounced speech maker
Who knew weddings were open forums for anyone to say anything they wanted?
10. The hot waiter
“Why, yes I will have another pig in a blanket, thank you very much. My name is Bob, by the way.” — Your cousin Bob who doesn’t stand a chance.
11. The recently single relative
AKA the person most likely to hit on your friends.
12. The dance floor dominator
“Everybody clear out! My song is on!”
13. The out-of-nowhere hookup couple
Dude must have some serious game, because even he’s like, “I can’t believe this is working out.”
14. The cry monster
Are they crying because of how happy they are or how sad? Both? Either way, they’re walking in your direction. Run!
15. The subject of gossip
Usually someone who has no idea that everybody else knows all the horrible things they have no business knowing. Like the fact they hooked up with the maid of honor at the rehearsal dinner. Yikes.
16. The open bar slayers
HOW DO THEY DRINK SO MUCH? Oh, wait. It’s free. Never mind.