1. Who thought this was a good idea? Christmas lights kill at least 9 people a year.
2. They’re also responsible for $9 million in property damage a year.
3. Even that typewriter is keeping a safe distance, just in case.
4. “Know what we should wear? Christmas light head-wreaths!” “Awesome idea, babe!” Famous last words.
5. Nothing accentuates a puka shell necklace like a string of lights. Oh, and the possibility of frying like a turkey.
7. I don’t know what I dislike more? The danger of fire or that knit sweater.
8. There is exposed wood behind you! One spark and it all goes up in flames!
10. “I love you, girl. But I love putting your life at risk by wrapping you in danger more.”
11. “Do you smell smoke?” “Sssh. It’s probably just the OH MY LORD YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE!”
12. “Come. Join us. We won’t hurt you. We promise.” — Christmas Lights
14. Are these lights even on? Because even off they are still a hazard.