1. You own multiple black ties.
You may think you look like Don Draper, but trust me, you don’t.
2. You know multiple napkin folds.
Two minutes to fold, one second for a guest to smear lipstick on and ask for another.
3. You see Ryan Seacrest on television and say to the person sitting next to you, “I’ve been in his house. He’s really nice.”
4. You think “Party Down” is a drama.
Seriously, this show is the epitome of the saying “Hit the nail on the head.”
5. You nitpick everything at weddings.
“One bar for this many people? As if!”
6. You over-tip at restaurants.
Because you never get tipped. Like, ever.
7. Your co-workers are all working on “projects.”
“Oh, really, a sci-fi script? Tell me more.”
8. You have served Scott Baio.
9. You have parked your crap car outside of a multi-million dollar mansion.
No, that’s not an art installation, it’s your ‘89 Corolla.
10. You have taken a lunch break in someone’s garage next to their Bugatti.
“Try not to smudge it. Actually, don’t even look at it.”
11. You have taken a lunch break next to a dumpster.
Screw sanitation standards, I needs to eat!
12. Your forearms are ripped from tray-passing drinks.
13. You have seen a Rothko hanging in a dining room that nobody eats in.
“Oh, that? I don’t really get it. I think we got it at Target.”
14. You correct people on the pronunciation of “charcuterie.”
15. You constantly look for hiding places to check your phone/ eat appetizers.
If I can’t see them, they can’t see me.