Buzz·Posted on Nov 3, 201523 Tweets About Horoscopes That Will Make You Laugh Every Time"Horoscope: you will have a bad day that will last the rest of your life."by Julia PugachevskyBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Ezra Koenig @antiarzE i love leonardo dicapricorn. he is my favorite horoscope 04:19 AM - 03 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Sam Grittner @SamGrittner *uses my one phone call from jail to check my horoscope* 12:43 AM - 08 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Bridger Winegar @bridger_w Laugh at me all you want for checking my horoscope, but at least I have an idea of what probably won’t happen to me this week. 09:05 PM - 19 Oct 2010 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. maura quint @behindyourback when I was 9 I read a horoscope that said Capricorns achieve success late in life & I've based my whole existence around that belief 04:11 PM - 29 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ @kvttycat reading a boys horoscope to understand wtf hes doing to you 09:01 PM - 16 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Andy Richter @AndyRichter Tweets from Scorpio horoscope acct I follow sound like they were written by a 2nd cousin right before asking to borrow money 07:24 AM - 10 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Alice White @alicewhitey As an egotistical Leo, I read everyone else's horoscope because they're probably all about me anyway. 04:34 PM - 25 Jan 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker Accurate Horoscope: "Pisces: Your cold hunger for meaning in an uncaring universe will force you to read this newspaper filler page." 10:52 PM - 11 Jan 2011 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Rena Lovelis @RenaLovelis "i like you because when i look at horoscope predictions, i check yours too." 09:19 AM - 31 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. pascalle @frenchielaboozi how to lose a guy in ten days ignored the part where you text your dude his horoscope 09:01 PM - 06 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Ella Cerón @ellaceron Just once I would like my horoscope to forget about love and career and tell me to eat a donut because I deserve to instead. 02:03 AM - 02 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Mallory Ortberg @mallelis HOROSCOPE: today you will hear but not see a cat throwing up 02:10 PM - 14 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. liam bean @liamak47 me reading my horoscope 06:15 PM - 26 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. tara shoe @tarashoe Hi, Pisces! Here's your Daily Horoscope for November 11th, 2013: thinking about doing a thing? lol no. don't. yeah, no, i know. but don't. 02:48 AM - 11 Nov 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Julieanne Smolinski @BoobsRadley Haven't read my horoscope in forever, because I assume it just says, "Sorry, you're still not Connie Britton." 02:57 PM - 18 Feb 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Mary Charlene @IamEnidColeslaw today's horoscope: show a cab driver your nipple 04:56 PM - 17 Jul 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Moose Allain @MooseAllain My friend is doing my horoscope. I told her I like tropical fish and blowing bubbles. She says I sound like a typical Aquarium. 05:06 PM - 11 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. jon hendren @fart YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY: your crush is aloof but definitely wants u to come over and look at tupac pics (bring some with u) 11:55 PM - 30 Aug 2010 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Mr Roger Quimbly @RogerQuimbly I knew that Mayan end of the world thing was a lot of superstitious nonsense when my horoscope didn't mention it. 12:31 PM - 21 Dec 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. pascalle @frenchielaboozi horoscope: you will have a bad day which will last the rest of your life 06:41 PM - 15 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. kimmy @arealliveghost Daily Horoscope for Gemini: you were born into a sprawling mostly empty universe and you think choices you make are important 06:39 PM - 29 Jan 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. James Martin @Pundamentalism Every Horoscope should begin, "This week [insert planet name] will make you gullible". 09:57 AM - 12 Aug 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. James Hadouken! @JamesHadouken Today's horoscope 06:20 PM - 02 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite