1. It'll all begin when they ask you an innocuous question and you answer with the most romantic response of all time.
2. One or both of you will let down your hair as if you possessed the scalp of Aphrodite herself.
3. Like Patrick Swayze, they'll take off your shirt seamlessly.
4. And your bra will get unhooked automatically and without hesitation.
5. And ties? Ties will be slinked off with just the lightest yank, cascading to the floor as you pull each other closer.
6. Just to be clear though: if you have breasts, they'll be classily draped by satin sheets or shadows before, during and after.
Lest someone gaze upon your nipples, woman!
7. They'll remove your panties and lift you like a nimble bird in one swift motion.
8. If your foreplay involves wet clay or some other substance, you'll magically have clean hands and look spotless by the time you do the dirty.
9. And if you're in the water, it'll definitely feel incredible and smooth and require zero splashing around.
10. You won't need to turn the lights off or on because nature's got your back and will provide the right mood for you.
11. You'll kiss tenderly and flawlessly, all while maintaining the perfect shadowy silhouette.
12. Every movement will be both deliberate and fluid, every sensation heightened by your undeniable grace.
13. They'll go down on you for two minutes, which will be more than enough time for you to reach blissful climax.
14. You'll get right into the making of the sweet love, without ever having to quickly rummage for a condom or ask each other about your sexual history.
15. Just one thrust will cause you to writhe in total ecstasy.
16. You'll artfully contort your flesh into beautiful shapes no one knew existed.
17. And you'll certainly maintain perfect eye contact the whole time, gazing into each others' souls because you already know their nether regions like the back of your hand.
18. Before you know it, after about three minutes of medium-paced penis insertion, you'll have had the best orgasm of your life.
19. When you're both finished, you'll stay in place and kiss for some time, all while making sure to take the most optimal angle for your breasts.
20. You'll glisten - NOT SWEAT, GLISTEN - with shimmery dew, especially if it's your first time ever having sex.
21. And you'll emerge with not a single hair (or tasteful accessory) out of place, looking even more radiant than before your bodies became whole.
