The Ultimate Ranking Of Common Sex Positions

Instructional images included. SFW. posted on

20. Saddling

Feasibility: 3
Impressiveness: 6
Romanticness: 6
Comments: Feels great, but you’ll need a GPS to direct all those limbs.

19. The Magic Bullet

Feasibility: 1
Impressiveness: 10
Romanticness: 4
Comments: For bottomers, make sure you’re a seasoned yogi or flexible enough before you commit yourself to this position. The theatricality will wow your partner, but not worth any torn ligaments.

18. Doggy style

Feasibility: 9
Impressiveness: 5
Romanticness: 2
Comments: You’re f*cking like an animal, so.

17. Cowgirl

Feasibility: 8
Impressiveness: 1
Romanticness: 6
Comments: Yes, a coital classic and everyone’s go-to, but that does not make it any less boring. Plus, the chin angles are not flattering for either partner.

16. Standing up

Feasibility: 4
Impressiveness: 7
Romanticness: 2
Comments: Adventurous in conception I GUESS, but so many factors would make this not work anatomically: 1) leg heights, 2) torso heights, 3) overall coordination from these height disparities. Basically, avoid even attempting this if both parties aren’t the exact same height.

15. The Speedbump

Feasibility: 8
Impressiveness: 9
Romanticness: 9
Comments: It can be difficult to coordinate and move around freely, but if accomplished, it’s a uniquely awesome sensation.

14. One person on bed, one person standing

Feasibility: 6
Impressiveness: 6
Romanticness: 4
Comments: You just turned your boring bedroom into one big sex prop!

13. Both kinda crouching

Feasibility: 5
Impressiveness: 7
Romanticness: 4
Comments: It’s a good angle, but requires some serious poise.

12. 69

Feasibility: 4* unless height
Impressiveness: 8
Romanticness: 4
Comments: It’s fair — as in, you’re getting what you’re giving. But you’re also looking at each others’ buttholes which isn’t that cute.

11. Legs over shoulders (with knees bent)

Feasibility: 8
Impressiveness: 5
Romanticness: 5
Comments: This is for the novice “magic bullet” couple who want to work their way up to a full-leg extension.

10. Missionary

Feasibility: 10
Impressiveness: 1
Romanticness: 10
Comments: extra points because it’s a classic
It’s wrongfully labeled as “vanilla sex” — it’s super comfy, both parties look good, and it’s said to be a great position for trying anal for the first time (as opposed to doggy style) because it’s pretty relaxing. Sometimes, you just want the pressure to be off and that’s OK!

9. Spooning

Feasibility: 4
Impressiveness: 5
Romanticness: 10
Comments: extra points for good angle SECRET SEX UNDER-THE-COVERS AMIRIGHT. Also, ideal for lazy people who still want to get really intimate.

8. The Squat

Feasibility: 4
Impressiveness: 9
Romanticness: 7
Comments: Bottoms are chilling while toppers get a great thigh workout.

7. Planking

Feasibility: 5
Impressiveness: 5
Romanticness: 10
Comments: Your entire bodies are pressed tightly together like layers of a bean dip. This is as physically close to someone as you can get.

6.The Notebook” and/or “The Ryan Gosling treatment”

Feasibility: 1.5
Impressiveness: 10
Romanticness: 9
Comments: It’s sooo romantic, but unless the lifter is a bodybuilder and the liftee is generally tiny, the latter person might feel a little weight-conscious.

5. Shower

Feasibility: 10
Impressiveness: 9
Romanticness: 7
Comments: bonus points for no cleanup and feeling cleaner after you do the dirty, minus points for it being dangerous, water gets everywhere, and hard to find good props to hold you, too slippery, too small

4. Propped up on pillow

Feasibility: 1
Impressiveness: 7 *clever
Romanticness: 8
Comments: extra points because it’s good for osteoporosis
This maneuver is as creative is it is comfortable. It also proves you don’t have to put your back out for great sex.

3. Reverse Cowgirl

Feasibility: 8
Impressiveness: 8
Romanticness: 6
Comments: extra points because you don’t have to look good, only look good from behind
It’s fancy enough without requiring a month of yoga classes prior, and it’s a fun angle. Plus, your booty looks good and no one’s complaining about that!

2. Sitting

Feasibility: 10
Impressiveness: 9
Romanticness: 10
Comments: You’re super close without feeling gross. And what is more romantic than having sex while hugging??

1. Chair

Feasibility: 10
Impressiveness: 10
Romanticness: 9
Comments: OBVS it depends on the chair (try a cozy armchair or, better yet, an old school rocking chair) but it’s cozy, intimate, easy, and yet still kind of interesting without being too ambitious.

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