The Definitive Ranking Of Every Kind Of Kiss

Demonstrated by sock puppets.

Adam Ellis/BuzzFeed
Adam Ellis/BuzzFeed

32. Slobbery Kiss

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Wet, soppy kisses are the worst. If your kisses require clean up, it’s time to practice some more.

31. Cheek Kiss

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Sweet in conception, but they usually take place between strangers or acquaintances and require real physical contact.

30. Creepy Cult Murder Finger Kiss

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Creepy Cult Murder Finger kisses are when an axe murderer freshly kills and dismembers their subject, then places two fingers over their lips before leaving your corpse behind and walking into the night.

Not all CCMF kisses happen this way, but if someone “kisses” you with their fingers, the feeling left is all the same.

29. Forehead Kiss

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A kiss to your FOREHEAD is usually a little demeaning and the quickest way to dissolve a relationship. Unless it’s with your grandfather, in which case this is the most appropriate.

28. Hand Kiss

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Are we living in the 18th century? If someone offered this “chivalrous” gesture today, you’d be like bye.

27. Toothy Kiss

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Most times out of ten, toothy kisses are a mere accident. Oops you caught some teeth on your way in/out. It happens. Still, it’s an instant mood killer.

26. Food/Gum Kiss

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This totally depends on the substance in the mouth… food? Gross. Gum? Convenient.

25. High Kiss

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When you’re high, kissing can be an absolutely euphoric experience. But when you’re blazed as balls, you can’t tell anymore if lips are actually making contact.

24. Polite European Greeting Kiss

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It’s cute and a convenient excuse to make kissy contact with attractive people. But then you also have to do this to everyone, including people you don’t like and your grandma.

23. Accidental Kiss

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AKA when you go in for a hug or a kiss on the cheek and you get a little lip. Which, if you’ve silently been lusting over the person for ages, will be thrilling (while also a teeny bit sad). But if it’s with someone you’re not that into, it can be nothing short of traumatic.

22. Blown Kiss

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When someone blows a kiss at you from across a room, it can be a really cute motion between lovers, or a really shady gesture between enemies like “I see you, bitch. You’re going down.”

21. Butterfly Kiss

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SoOoOoOo cute in theory. But hard to coordinate. Especially when someone is coming at you with their eye and you aren’t 100% sure what is about to happen.

20. “Eskimo” Kiss

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Super adorbs but overdoing it can be alarming. Like, JUST KISS ME WITH YOUR MOUTH PARTS ALREADY.

19. Quick Peck

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A quick peck can be really sweet interspersed between long, loving, and involved kisses. Make sure you and your partner are not only pecking at each other; it can be a little unfulfilling.

18. First Kiss

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Ahh, first kisses: it’s uniquely horrible for everyone, but the novelty and significance it holds in our hearts deserves it a very special place on this list.

17. Spin The Bottle Kiss

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Again, everyone’s Spin-The-Bottle kiss stories are tinged with so many great stories. But everyone’s actual Spin-The-Bottle kiss is actually pretty lackluster.

16. Drunk Kiss

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In your drunken stupor, kissing can be an excellent experience (you’re fully and passionately committed). But for everyone else around you, it’s god-awful to watch. It’s almost always worse than you remember it, but thank god you’re usually too drunk to remember it at all!

15. Beach Kiss

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Thanks to The Bachelor, we’ve all conjured up really sexy and steamy imaginations of what a beach kiss would be like — hot, longing, a single wave crashing onto your pressed bodies — but the reality is it never happens this way. And if it does, you’re left with kelp and sand nuzzled in your bodily crevices.

14. Bottom-Lip-Sucking Kiss

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This is completely circumstantial and personal. Getting your lips sucked and bitten can be really pleasant/erotic OR really creepy/masochistic based on your partner and the circumstance.

13. “You Broke My Heart, Fredo” Mafia Kiss

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It probably means you’re going to die, but it’s undeniably badass and iconic, so.

12. Rain/Snow Kiss

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Awwwwwww. There’s something magical about forgetting how awful rain or constant blizzards are, even if for a moment.

11. Suction Cup Kiss

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When your lips make a loud suction-y sound. It sounds hilarious and probably means you’re getting really into it!

10. Neck Kiss

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Your opinion/experience may vary based on a.) hickeys and b.) your opinion of hickeys. But we can all agree that it feels ~SeXy~.

9. Sex Kiss

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“Kissing during sex is just alright” -said no one, ever. It’s THE BEST.

8. Surprise Kiss

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See: when Ben Wyatt first kissed Leslie Knope. Actually, pretty much all memorable kisses in TV shows and movies (and life) are the ones you’ve wanted for forever but never expected to happen.

7. Instagram/Experiential Kiss

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The only thing better than a powerful kiss is a powerful kiss on Mount Everest with a really good Instagram filter…like Sierra or X Pro II. This is assuming you’re actually in love though, because if not, gross!

6. Kiss From Behind

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When someone sneaks up behind you (usually during sex) and you turn your head to kiss them. It requires a little extra coordination, but the results are spectacular.

5. Kiss Down Under

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As in, waaaaaaay below your face. ;)

4. The Notebook Kiss

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When you’re lifted up in the air flawlessly and kiss like nothing else matters. It’s way harder to maneuver in real life but if you fall into the 2% of couples who can do this, bravo.

3. Amélie Kiss

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This kiss is amazing because it’s restrained and sensual and builds up to something wonderful (face kissing, and sex).

2. French Kiss

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A little tongue action with a nailed-down technique makes an average kiss out of this world. There’s just something so je ne sais quoi about it.

1. Spider-Man Kiss

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One of the best gifts the early 2000s ever gave us, this kiss is creative, sexy and sweet all at the same time. You can go all out (with a Spider-Man mask, even) or you can just do like MJ in Spider-Man 2 and kiss someone when they’re the opposite way from you on a couch or something.

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