17 Sex Products You Won’t Believe Actually Exist

What a time to be alive. NSFW!

1. A vibrating teddy bear.

Crowdfunding is still in progress, but this is a “discreet” vibrating teddy bear whose “nose stimulates the clitoris and the tongue penetrates the vagina.”

2. And a rubber duckie.

No fear of electrocution here — this vibrator is safely incased in what looks like a perfectly innocent rubber duckie.

3. A sleeve that imitates the sensations of a blow job.

Successfully crowdfunded (re: raising 623% of its original goal), the Autoblow is topped with a realistic replica of human lips for the ideal robot BJ experience.

4. And a rotating tongue wheel for cunnilingus simulation.

This portable device has a wheel of 10 lifelike “tongues” that mimics the motions of oral sex. Aptly named “Squeel.”

5. A matching pair of sex toys to be used on a private social media platform.

The video pretty much explains it all, but KIIROO is designed to let people meet on the internet and use luxury sex toys to “physically touch another person online.”

6. And sex toys that interact with each other via an internet connection.

Another pair of long-distance sex toys, only these interact and respond to each other. Other traits include a feature that records your noises during the experience for future use.

7. Mythical creature-themed sex toys.

 

Bad Dragon sells dildos, penis sleeves, cock rings, and “experimental toys” meant to look like the genitals of dragons, squids, sharks, and other dangerous creatures. As a bonus, each product page has a few paragraphs of fan fiction to get you going.

8. And religious-themed ones as well.

 

Guaranteed to offend.

9. A smart vibrator controlled by your phone.

Vibease is a wearable vibrator that coordinates with select “audio fantasy” programs to provide a multisensory experience for women. Oh, and it raised 870% of its crowdfunding goal.

10. The world’s first sonic vibrator.

Unlike battery-powered or plug-in-the-wall vibrators, Revel Body relies on “linear resonating motors,” which the product creators say greatly reduces noise and adds variations to the power and range of vibrations.

11. A sex doll for dogs.

This French company makes dog-sized dolls to keep your sexually frustrated pooches off of your couch cushions.

12. A foot fetish sex toy that is not what you think.

Kaylani’s Foot Fetish has a replica of a vagina at the heel so you can physically penetrate a foot. Not sure if that’s how foot fetishes work, but OK.

13. A glove that lets you attach and control sex toys with more ease.

Self-proclaimed as the “the Inspector Gadget of sex toys,” The Glov lets you attach various vibrators that you can control via several buttons on the glove itself.

14. A periscope for your vagina.

It vibrates and lets you get a much more intimate look down there.

15. A vibrating laundry machine, complete with horse saddle.

 

The Orgasmatron 3000 lets you saddle up a vibrating washing machine for your own tumble-and-dry fun. Vibrations range from “oh!” to “oooooooh!”

16. An artificial hymen.

Yup. It bleeds too.

17. And this.

It’s called Mr. Jack With Mustache and you can’t buy it anymore. That’s all we know.

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