1. This one you always knew: Barney is a total creep.
There is no amount of purple foam that can protect your childhood from his nefarious advances.
2. Spongebob, we don’t want to know what that extra room in your pineapple is for, okay?
Don’t walk into his pineapple under the sea and tell Spongebob how good his coffee is. Just don’t.
3. Sesame Street was so real before all the gentrification.
You would not fuck with Bert and Ernie performing “Ante Up,” though.
Seriously, this farm where the yips shot their version of “Ante Up” of is a Chase bank now.
4. And if you thought you knew what rainbow magic sounds like, you were wrong.
Reggie Watts is the ultimate flutterbitch.
5. When you were a kid, you had no idea the calisthenics involved with being a transformer, did you?
What exactly…would a cock pushup…look like?
7. Miley is fine ruining her own childhood, thank you very much:
It’s actually pretty easy to see how little Hannah Montana got to “Do My Thang”