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Why Does North Korea Want To Bomb Austin?

America’s weirdest city is on Kim Jong-un’s targets map. Speculate within!

1. Could it be because …?


No one wants to be second weirdest. #whyaustin— Alex Bruns


It takes weird to bomb weird. #whyaustin— David Wenger

3. Or maybe …


Kim Jong-un must not like Austin’s new plastic bag policy. #whyaustin— John Aquino

4. Burn zone!


Houston seemed too ambitious. #whyaustin— Ben Montgomery


Because Houston shoots back. #whyaustin— Stephen Green

6. Actually, it probably has something to do with …

Un naturally hates anything South by Southwest. #whyaustin

— seanagnew (@Sean Agnew)

Un naturally hates anything South by Southwest. #whyaustin— Sean Agnew

Kim Jong Un and North Korea have had enough of #SXSW tweets #whyaustin

— KYColC (@CR)

Kim Jong Un and North Korea have had enough of #SXSW tweets #whyaustin— CR

Kim Jong-un's startup flopped at SXSW Interactive. #whyaustin.

— sarahlbeckham (@Sarah Beckham)

Kim Jong-un’s startup flopped at SXSW Interactive. #whyaustin.— Sarah Beckham

Kim Jong-un wasn't invited to any of the good SXSW parties. #whyaustin

— AlexJamesFitz (@Alex Fitzpatrick)

Kim Jong-un wasn’t invited to any of the good SXSW parties. #whyaustin— Alex Fitzpatrick

Kim couldn't get a wristband to @jtimberlake's secret show. #whyaustin

— tweetsbyhampton (@Jim Hampton)

Kim couldn’t get a wristband to @jtimberlake’s secret show. #whyaustin— Jim Hampton

11. Then again, he could be lashing out against Austin-bred entertainment …

Because Kim is still annoyed by "Slacker." #whyaustin

— jpodhoretz (@John Podhoretz)

Because Kim is still annoyed by “Slacker.” #whyaustin— John Podhoretz

Because "Friday Night Lights" ended its run and NOBODY puts Connie Britton into a corner. #whyaustin

— dandrezner (@Daniel Drezner)

Because “Friday Night Lights” ended its run and NOBODY puts Connie Britton into a corner. #whyaustin— Daniel Drezner

13. or the city’s fine establishments …

Kim Jong-un still mad about being kicked out of Alamo Drafthouse for texting. #whyaustin

— sarahlbeckham (@Sarah Beckham)

Kim Jong-un still mad about being kicked out of Alamo Drafthouse for texting. #whyaustin— Sarah Beckham

#WhyAustin - Kim Jong Un is pissed that nobody would dance with him at The Broken Spoke.

— ninatypewriter (@Nina L. Diamond)

#WhyAustin - Kim Jong Un is pissed that nobody would dance with him at The Broken Spoke.— Nina L. Diamond

Because Stubb's BBQ won't deliver to Pyongyang. #WhyAustin

— ThePantau (@Miké)

Because Stubb’s BBQ won’t deliver to Pyongyang. #WhyAustin— Miké

Kim Jong-un totally lost it when he couldn't find parking at downtown Whole Foods. #whyaustin http://t.co/ni0HmoGADN

— sarahlbeckham (@Sarah Beckham)

Kim Jong-un totally lost it when he couldn’t find parking at downtown Whole Foods. #whyaustin http://t.co/ni0HmoGADN— Sarah Beckham

17. its flailing sports teams …

Kim Jong-un was not impressed with UT's football and basketball seasons. #whyaustin

— rogman99 (@Roger Graham)

Kim Jong-un was not impressed with UT’s football and basketball seasons. #whyaustin— Roger Graham

18. scandalous local parks …

Kim's Jong-un poorly received at Hippy Hollow. #whyaustin

— DavidWenger (@David Wenger)

Kim’s Jong-un poorly received at Hippy Hollow. #whyaustin— David Wenger

19. … or spicy cuisine.

Kim Jong-un the victim of horrible mistranslation of Austin Nuclear Tacos recipes. #whyaustin

— omarg (@Omar L. Gallaga)

Kim Jong-un the victim of horrible mistranslation of Austin Nuclear Tacos recipes. #whyaustin— Omar L. Gallaga

20. But in all likelihood:

Kim Jong-un just wants to trend on twitter. The whole war is a front. #whyaustin

— JaytheRobot (@Jay Bramhall)

Kim Jong-un just wants to trend on twitter. The whole war is a front. #whyaustin— Jay Bramhall

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