Which Final Four Coach Is The Biggest Douche?

College basketball coaches as a whole are known for their corruption and douchebaggery. Now that there are only four left, BuzzFeed Sports attempts to figure out who the biggest douche of them all is. posted on

1. Bill Self

Dilip Vishwanat / Getty Images

Reasons He’s A Douche:
• Publicly criticized Kansas fans for saying “Home of the Chiefs” during the National Anthem (in lieu of “Home of the Brave”), despite it being something of a local tradition.

• He wears a pretty crappy toupee.

• Once dressed up like this.

Reasons He’s Not A Douche:
• Was openly rooting for Robbie Hummel in the tournament.

• Doesn’t make the game about himself.

• Recruits players who are rarely assholes and punishes them when they are.

Google Results for “‘Bill Self’ Douchebag”: 30,700

Douche-O-Meter: 4/10 (Bill Self is a good guy.)

2. Thad Matta

BRIAN SNYDER / Reuters

Reasons He’s A Douche:
• When a reporter told Matta that he had graduated from Kentucky, Matta said that he would make sure his answers used “real small words.”

• The Ohio State University. Buckeyes are often the most insufferable people, and Thad has totally embraced that community and role. (Note: I am an Ohio State fan.)

• Never gave Mark Titus the playing time he deserved.

• Continues to promote an incredibly boring brand of basketball.

Reasons He’s Not A Douche:
• Looks like Gene Hackman.

Google Results for “‘Thad Matta’ Douchebag”: 3,700

Douche-O-Meter: 5/10 (Not a douche, just a Buckeye. It’s a fine line.)

3. Rick Pitino

LUCY NICHOLSON / Reuters

Reasons He’s A Douche:
• Excessively plays mind games with rivals.

• Has a douchey haircut.

• Helped pioneer the idea that a successful basketball coach should be a life coach.

• Oh yeah and then he cheated on his wife by having sex with the estranged wife of his team’s equipment manager on the floor of a restaurant. He didn’t use a condom, and then attempted to buy the woman’s silence.

Reasons He’s Not A Douche:
• He was the victim of extortion in that case.

• He has had a tough life: His son Daniel died of heart failure at six months, and he lost his best friend and brother-in-law in the World Trade Center on September 11th.

Google Results from “‘Rick Pitino’ Douchebag”: 65,500

Douche-O-Meter: 6/10 (Rick Pitino is surprisingly less douchey than his haircut would indicate, but still more douchey than his non-Kentucky coaching peers.)

4. John Calipari

Kevin C. Cox / Getty Images

Reasons He’s A Douche:
• Every college he has coached at has faced NCAA sanctions upon his departure.

• When Calipari’s Memphis team was hit with sanctions he immediately bolted for Kentucky, bringing along touted Memphis recruit and all-around hilarious/crazy guy DeMarcus “Boogie” Cousins.

• While coaching the New Jersey Nets called a reporter a “Mexican idiot.”

• He represents everything that is wrong with college basketball. (“One and done recruiting” classes, academic apathy, the whole pretense that “college” is part of college basketball, etc.)

• Look at that smirk on his face.

Reasons He’s Not A Douche:
• An argument can be made that it’s refreshing how honest he is about the ugly side of college basketball.

Google Results for “‘John Calipari’ Douchebag”: 312,000

Douche-O-Meter: 11/10 (John Calipari is the biggest douche of all the douches.)

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