The Fantasy Football LOL Awards: Week Two

Grading the weekend’s fantasy performances. posted on

Reggie Bush hasn’t played this well since Pete Carroll and company were signing his paychecks at USC. Earlier this year Bush said his goal was to lead the league in rushing, and the Internet snickered. Well after this weekend, the Internet (and Kim Kardashian for that matter) might want to reconsider the Dolphins tailback. 197 all purpose yards and 2 rushing touchdowns were good for 31 fantasy points (ESPN standard scoring). Who saw that coming?

Julian Edelman has been enjoying an expanded role of late (taking over for the recently phased-out Wes Welker, whose owners are ready to jump out windows at this point). So did he capitalize and have a big day? Nope. He fell on star Tight End Aaron Hernandez who is due to miss multiple games. So not only is Edelman killing Welker owners and Edelman owners, he’s also killing Hernandez owners. He’s a dangerous man.

Blaine Gabbert had a great week one. I wasn’t sure I was ready to live in a world where the noted french trapper was an actual good quarterback. Turns out I won’t have to worry about that. 53 passing yards. One touchdown. 6 fantasy points. Nice to have you back, Blaine.

Brandon Weeden and Trent Richardson had a disastrous week one. Weeden’s QB rating was an almost historically bad 5.1, and he got sacked by a flag. Trent Richardson ran for only 39 yards, and other than taking off Kurt Coleman’s helmet, basically disappeared. This week that all changed. Weeden threw for 322 yards and two touchdowns. Richardson had 145 all purpose yards and scored two touchdowns himself (one rushing, one receiving). The two Browns rookies combined for 45 fantasy points, and in true Browns fashion, still lost the game. What a week.

Chris Johnson is only two years removed from being the most dominant running back in the game. Now he’s among the most disappointing. He’s averaging 1.1 yards per carry, and through the first two weeks he’s only ran for 21 yards (!) on 19 carries (!). Translation: Chris Johnson (and his offensive line, in fairness) sucks horrifically.

Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler are two of the top fantasy quarterbacks in the NFL. I mean, sure. Saying that is like saying The Beatles and Eagles are two of the top rock bands of all time (there’s a monumental gap between them), but it’s still true. This week though, neither played like it. Rodgers looked less like a guy who stars in State Farm commercials, and more like a guy who works on a farm in a state and occasionally watches commercials. Jay Cutler meanwhile scored two fantasy points. That’s four less than French trapper Blaine Gabbert. That’s a bad week.

Danny Amendola scored 20 fantasy points this week. The only possible explanation is that with Wes Welker’s demotion, the football gods were angry that there was no longer a holder of the title: “That One White Fantasy Receiver Who’s Dominant.” They then bestowed it upon young Daniel. Wes Welker’s icy-blue eyes were seen crying while he lay in the locker room screaming “Why have you forsaken me?!” over and over. Bill Belichick told a concerned Tom Brady to ignore him.

Fred Jackson is probably pretty pissed about CJ Spiller’s first two weeks. Jackson was one of the top backs in football last year, but after Spiller put up 364 total yards and three touchdowns over the first two weeks of the season, it seems unlikely that Fred’s going to get many touches this year, once he returns from injury.

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