1. Tom Brady, QB — New England Patriots
Pick: 6th Round, Pick 199 Overall
Why: Three Super Bowl rings. Two Super Bowl MVPs. Arguably one of the two best quarterbacks of all time.
Hilarious Point Of Reference: Picked 181 spots after the New York Jets picked Chad Pennington.
2. Deacon Jones, DE — Los Angeles Rams
Pick: 14th Round, Pick 186 Overall
Why He Was A Steal: Deacon Jones won multiple Defensive Player Of The Year awards, was on eight All-Pro teams, and would be third all-time in sacks if “sack” had been an official stat at the time. It wasn’t, but Jones COINED the term sack. So that should count for something to.
Hilarious Point Of Reference: Picked 142 spots after Arnold Davis who played a total of two games in the league.
3. Bart Starr, QB — Green Bay Packers
Pick: 17th Round, Pick 199 Overall
Why He Was A Steal: Bart Starr led the Green Bay Packers to victories in the first two Super Bowls and was named MVP of each game. He led them to a total of 5 NFL championships, and is in the Hall of Fame.
Hilarious Point Of Reference: Picked 168 spots after the Chicago Cardinals selected the immortal John Roach (who would be Starr’s backup during the Super Bowl seasons).
4. Shannon Sharpe, TE — Denver Broncos
Pick: 7th Round, Pick 192 Overall
Why He Was A Steal: Before he was terrible at offering analysis from a Bristol, CT studio every Sunday, Sharpe was one of the most dynamic players his position had ever seen. He played on three Super Bowl championship teams and is a hall of famer. He caught 815 passes in his career.
Hilarious Point Of Reference: Picked 138 spots after Mike Jones who played in the league for three seasons, catching a total of five passes.
5. Terrell Davis, RB — Denver Broncos
Pick: 6th Round, Pick 196 Overall
Why He Was A Steal: Two time NFL Offensive Player of the year. Two time Super Bowl champion. One time creator of a super badass touchdown celebration that should literally be used in all celebratory contexts.
Hilarious Point Of Reference: Picked 195 spots after Ki-Jana Carter who is among the biggest busts in NFL history.
6. Raymond Berry, WR — Baltimore Colts
Pick: 20th Round, Pick 232 Overall
Why He Was A Steal: One of the first great Wide Receivers in NFL history. Johnny Unitas’ favorite target. Hall of Famer.
Hilarious Point Of Reference: Not applicable because he was THE ONLY PLAYER LISTED AS A WIDE RECEIVER IN THE ENTIRE DRAFT. Football used to be stupid.
7. Zach Thomas, LB — Miami Dolphins
Pick: 5th Round, Pick 154 Overall
Why He Was A Steal: Zach Thomas was an anchor of the Miami defense for a decade. He played in seven Pro Bowls and was one of the most feared linebackers in football.
Hilarious Point Of Reference: Picked 104 spots after Patrick Sapp who played for four seasons in the NFL, recording a total of two sacks and who most recently played for the Memphis Maniax of the XFL.