10 Reasons Those People Unfriended You

Now that the new Facebook allows you to see exactly who has unfriended you, let’s go through some of the reasons that may have happened…

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1. Awkward Sexual Encounter

This accounts for a large percentage of unfriendings. 83% in fact. After all, who wants to be reminded of a one night stand by seeing that person in pictures from the real world? Nobody that’s who.

2. Facebook Flood

We get it. You like things. Lots of things. Now stop.

3. You Lost Them In The Break Up

They weren’t your friends. They were her friends. And then you hurt her. What are you a monster?

4. That Incident At The Bar

I know you don’t really remember that night, but everyone else does. There was no reason to get naked. There was no reason to do shots off yourself. There was no reason to pee everywhere. (Little known fact, half the Red Sox team unfriended Dustin Pedroia the day after this picture was taken.)

5. You’re Annoying

Not just on Facebook, I mean in life. Have you ever tried hanging out with you? It’s exhausting. Nobody should know that much about the origins of Dungeons and Dragons.

6. Those People You Used To Work With Hated You

And they got really sick of those chain letter joke emails you kept sending them. The one about Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and an underground sex dungeon was the final straw.

7. They All Haters

They just couldn’t handle how awesome your photo albums of homemade pizzas were. And those Precious Moments figurines you hand painted? They weren’t ready for 13 notes documenting their creation.

8. Your Halitosis Really Is A Problem

And if they stayed friends with you on Facebook, they might have had to see you again at some point. That was a risk they just couldn’t take.

9. You Wouldn’t Shut The Fuck Up About Ron Paul

Seriously, enough already. I’d unfriend you too.

10. They Didn’t. You Unfriended Them.

The nerds.