Kid Scores 138 Points In A College Basketball Game

*Brain explodes.*

1. Meet Jack Taylor Jr.

Besides having a name more fitting an Arnold Schwarzenegger character than a real live person (Jack Taylor Jr. would fit right in with Adam Gibson, Harry Tasker, and Jericho Cane), Jack Taylor Jr. is a guard for the Division III Grinnell Pioneers. Last night he signed his (so awesome it can’t be real) name in the record books with permanent ink by having quite the good game. How good?

2. So good that even Kevin Durant was impressed.

Maybe that’s not clear enough. Let’s try that again. How good?

3. So good that HE SCORED 138 POINTS‽‽‽

The sophomore guard’s explosion broke a record that stood for 58 years and led the Pioneers to a 179-104 victory over Faith Baptist Bible. But even crazier than his point total, Jack Taylor Jr. (paused from disarming a bomb that was poised to blow up LA and) shot 52 for 108 from the field.

4. Taylor took 108(‽) shots in 36 minutes.

That works out to EXACTLY three shots every minute. That’s pure insanity. It makes no sense. It can’t be true, and yet it is. To give you some context to that number, noted ball hog Kobe Bryant averaged just slightly over one shot per minute in his 81 point game. Jack Taylor Jr. (saving us from aliens in theaters this fall) shot at basically THREE TIMES Kobe’s greatest one-game shot rate. He attempted 71 three pointers. These numbers would look insane in a video game.

Afterwards Jack Taylor Jr. took a break from fighting undercover Russian spies to tell the AP, “I felt like anything I tossed up was going in.”

No he had a great day and all, no question about it, but that’s crazy talk. Taylor didn’t even have a particularly great shooting effort. 27 of 71 from three and 52 of 108 overall mean his percentages work out to 38% and 48% respectively. Those are not bad percentages, but they aren’t notably excellent either. And they certainly aren’t “anything I tossed up was going in” good. The volume is definitely impressive, just not the efficiency. For that you have to look at the other bench in this game.

David Larson of Faith Baptist Bible scored 70 points on 34-44 shooting or 77% from the field. Now that raises two important points. One, the AP should have quoted him with the old “anything I tossed up was going in” chestnut. And two, if either of these teams learned to play defense they might be pretty good.

5. Watch highlights from Taylor’s game:

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-l7W_pgfhms.

Though be warned, it’s mostly just a slow white kid hitting three-pointers. But in all seriousness, anyone who finds a way to score that many points deserves some credit. So kudos Jack Taylor Jr. Now go save the world.

H/T Luke Meredith at the AP.