1. This is crazy person/former baseball player Jose Canseco.
Of course the most recent photo of him on the wire is from the red carpet of the porn awards. Of course.
2. This is comedian, accused joke thief, and dude-bro extraordinaire Dane Cook. Last night, Cook decided to follow Canseco on Twitter.
3. And thank God he did, because it gave us the greatest tweet you can ever imagine.
4. Let’s look at that again.
This is perfect. It’s actually a somewhat apt metaphor. In fact, the only slight issue is that Dane Cook is currently not as hot as 1988 Jose Canseco was. If Canseco had tweeted this in 2006, it would be perfect. But by far the best part of this tweet is that the wording is simultaneously batshit crazy (“I WAS YOU NOW THEN”), while somehow making perfect logical sense (Jose was Cook as he is now, back then, but for baseball). Only Jose can take a somewhat intelligent comparison and then make it sound absolutely insane without totally losing its meaning. Thank you, Jose. Thank you.
6. The world’s reaction to seeing this tweet:
- Mullah Omar — leader of the Taliban — has died, according to multiple reports. The Taliban has not responded to the reports.
- Michel Platini, the current UEFA president, will be a candidate in the 2016 FIFA election to replace Sepp Blatter ⚽️