Breaking Down Chris Berman’s Atrocious Home Run Derby

Enough of this guy. posted on

“She was beautiful. About this tall. Wore leather.” Jamie Squire / Getty Images

With last night’s Home Run Derby, Chris Berman proved once again why he’s the reigning “Most Obnoxious Announcer In Sports” champion. Sure Tim McCarver’s dithering nonsense can be frustrating, and Joe Buck is dry to the point of death by dehydration, but when it comes to out and out annoyance, nobody touches Chris Berman. Though if she’s wearing leather, Chris Berman will probably touch her…

Anyway, one enterprising Redditor did God’s work and tracked just how many times Chris Berman said “back” last night. As in “back, back, back, back, gone,” or “if Chris Berman says ‘back’ one more time I’m going to go to put my boot through the TV.”

That works out to about one “back” every two minutes of the broadcast. Or enough, at least scientifically speaking, to make your eyes spontaneously fall out of your head. I know, I was surprised too, but hey that’s science for you.

Also of note is George Brett’s “poopie” count. Brett, who is already famous for his long and impressive Major League careerpenchant for shitting his pants, seems like he has decided to double down and just be baseball’s “poop” guy.

George Brett On “Poopies” Last Night

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The Famed George Brett Manifesto On Shitting His Pants

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And all this only deals with Berman’s inclination towards his shitty catchphrase. It doesn’t even acknowledge the dumb shit he said…

Or the dumb shit he (allegedly) did…

So what are our takeaways? One, George Brett is hilarious. We should get to see him more. Two, Chris Berman remains an epic douchenozzle, who may or may not be creepy and inappropriate with women. Three, Berman says “back” a scientifically dangerous amount. Four, we all must have done something to anger the almighty ESPN, because they keep hitting us in the head with this guy like we just beat them at basketball for the first time . Enough, Bristol. Enough.

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